A Rebuttal to “5 Simple Rules For A Happy Life.”
I know this article will upset some folks. I am aware that my approach to personal development is not the norm and not what most people are used to or comfortable with. People gravitate to the easy stuff: the stuff that makes you feel good but doesn’t really offer much practical advice. I have attacked that stuff at every turn from the stage, on television and in all of my six best selling books. I know that one of the reasons we are in such a mess today is because we embrace the feel-good/fluff-my-ego/tell-me-I’m-special mentality of the entitled, and resist the roll-up-your-sleeves/suck-it-up/stop-whining/get-over-it/go-back-to-work mentality that I so firmly believe is necessary for a happy, successful, prosperous life. And I know that the feel good and be happy every minute mentality is ruining our kids and leaving them totally unprepared for the real world where you get knocked down and you have only yourself to turn to.
It came to a head this week for me when I saw a post from a popular feel-good website that had been shared about a hundred thousand times on social media. It was entitled, “5 Simple Rules For A Happy Life.” These are their rules:
- Don’t be overly emotional – have faith.
- Don’t ever give up – keep trying.
- Don’t make things complicated – keep it simple.
- Don’t takes things too seriously – laugh at problems.
- Don’t be a grown up – stay as youthful as a kid.
This is the typical kind of ignorant blather that people leech onto and wind up disappointed, because almost all of these 5 Simple Rules are bad advice.
1. First, “Don’t be overly emotional – have faith.”
Okay, I agree with being overly emotional. We have become a society that loves to cry over about everything and gets giddy over a picture of a plate of vegetables on Instagram. Reality television is full of emotion: anger, uncontrollable weeping, laughing when nothing is funny etc. So I am with them on this part of their rule, but it’s the “have faith” thing I have issues with. Some of you are saying now that I must be either an idiot and/or an atheist to have issues with that. Neither. My question is, faith in what? The religious will immediately go to “ Faith in GOD!!!” Okay, fine. But I have watched people put their faith in God for my entire 60 years on the planet and have seen them end up with squat. Why? They got the faith part but forgot that other scripture that says, “faith without works is dead.” They have faith but that’s all they have. So, have faith, but get off your butt and work on your problems too. And have faith in yourself while you are at it. No one is coming to your rescue. Stop having faith that the government will provide. The government is both broke and broken. Look to your own abilities and work ethic and put some faith there.
2. Second, “Don’t ever give up – keep trying.”
People love to say, “Never give up!” They quote that Winston Churchill story where that is his entire speech. Stupid speech, in my opinion. Yep, I am right and Churchill (though a great man with many great speeches) was wrong telling people to never give up. If you are doing the wrong thing or doing the right thing the wrong way, and you never give up, you are not going to achieve your desired results. You need to give up! I think a better speech is, “When you find yourself on a dead horse, get off!” or “When you find yourself in a hole, stop digging!” Those are good speeches. Who is the guy who originally said those things? That guy deserves some credit. Only keep trying when you are doing the right thing and run into some difficulty. Then, persevere! Difficulties and failures are natural and to be expected. But even then, stop, regroup, reexamine, change your approach and get back after it! Sometimes giving up is sometimes exactly what you need to do! Use your head and don’t buy into a cliché simply because it sounds good.
3. Third, “Don’t make things complicated – keep it simple.”
I have said for years that people make things harder than they are and that they need to simplify. So this rule is the best of the bunch. However, some things really are complicated and underestimating the complexity of a situation can be as equally devastating as overestimating the situation.
4. Fourth, “Don’t take things too seriously – laugh at problems.”
Really? Laugh at problems? I have seen people who laughed at their money problems for years and then called on me to help them. They should have gotten serious years before because now it’s too damn late! So, you’re broke! Laugh at being broke! Sure, that will help. Or your 35 year old still lives with you and you support him in every way. Laugh about it! That will get him out of the house. Don’t laugh at your problems. Solve your problems. Write them down. Break them down into smaller, more easily solvable pieces. Take a problem very seriously and go to work on it so you can get that one out of the way and get prepared for the next one. Life — real life — is a series of problems and the better you get at solving them and solving them quickly, the more time you have to enjoy!
5. And last, “Don’t be a grown up – stay as youthful as a kid.”
This Rule #5 is the worst advice of all of them. We have an entire generation refusing to grow up and their parents are enabling it. Nearly 70% of grownups today are still financially supporting their grown children in some way. We have the highest percentage of grownups still living with their parents in the history of civilization. We need these “kids” to grow up! And we need parents to grow up and be parents to their children and teach them the skills they need to survive and thrive as adults. We need all people above the age of 18 to stop acting like a bunch of children and be responsible adults!
Except for kids. We are rushing our little kids into adulthood way too fast. We overschedule their time with activities and they end up so busy they can’t be kids. Encourage more play time and more interaction with other kids — outside and away from computer screens. And please don’t let your little girl push you into shaving her legs and wearing makeup and growing up too fast. Peer pressure is an ugly thing and while your kid might hate you for it in the moment, someone needs to be the adult and protect your child from growing up too fast. Teach your kids the principles of adulthood; honesty, integrity, a good work ethic, and doing the right thing — but all in the context of being a kid.
And a word to all of you getting a few wrinkles and some gray hair: stop believing that you have to stay as youthful as a kid. Most of the time, you look ridiculous. Age healthily and gracefully. I don’t like getting old either but it’s part of the journey of life and I am doing my best to embrace it regardless of the old man I see looking back at me from the mirror.
Okay folks, that might sound like a curmudgeonly rant to you and that’s fine. I will get hate mail and a lot of “yeah BUT, Larry” mail and lose followers over it. But I’m good with that. I am not going to defend my position to you or argue with you about my comments. That’s part of growing up: you say what you believe and don’t apologize for believing it. My hope is that each of you can find one little nugget you can personalize and use to create a happier life.
Larry, this is one of my favorites. Told someone just yesterday that I am not a speaker who rides unicorns that fart rainbows. I don’t see this as a rant at all. I believe people need to be more ‘real’, and speakers need to stop blowing out fluffy and ‘cute’ acronyms. I appreciate your messages.
P.S. Love the picture!
I’ve read your books and have purchased your audios and I sincerely “Thank You” for them. Great advice. However, you will find me at the next UPW with Anthony Robbins. I absolutely love the motivational and inspirational crap. For folks such as myself, I can’t get enough..
Stay healthy my Friend. (Ok, your stuff is better..)
Marco
Don’t ever give up – is the one I don’t like the most. I think that when something is not working – this is the worst thing you should be telling yourself and others!
Always a great gulp of fresh-for-real air when I read anything or watch any of your videos. Thanks Larry!
Why do I feel like I’ve just been yelled at?
No, you are right. Our feel good at any cost movement is creating a weak and dependent society. That is not by accident. I wish people would wake up from the trance.
Larry Winget I am so grateful for your voice and much needed perspective… Glad you have a platform to share this “uncommon sense” with people – it should be “common sense” but somewhere along the way we’ve lost our way. Thanks for being a beacon back to reality!
Are you kidding? Not everything is supposed to be taken so literally…When someone says any of these phrases that you seem to dispose, that doesn’t mean that is SPECIFICALLY and ONLY what you should do.. it is a guide to general way to approach problems and issues and a way of life. Jeeze.
You are assuming that people are discerning enough to interpret this stuff. After being in the self-help industry for 25 years and seeing what happens when people latch on to this stuff, I can assure you that isn’t the case. Besides, even as a “general way to approach problems and issues and a way of life” it is off base. As a society, we lost our moral compass one little lie at a time and, in many ways, we lost our ability to cope successfully with life one happy little motivational saying at a time. And as I said in the article, I knew there would be people who disagreed and that’s fine with me. You won’t get any argument from me on this one.
BULLSEYE!
Eric Berne, Canadian born psychiatrist, creator of Transactional Analysis (TA) started this Passive-lame philosophy some FIFTY YEARS ago with, the introduction of terms such as, “warm fuzzies”, and “cold pricklies”. … People ate it up like crazy! … And sadly, it is making a resurgence.
Personally, I trace this “pussy movement” back to Dr. Berne. (And others like, Dr. Fritz Perls – Gestalt Therapy.) … Now its in DNA. … Good luck Larry in attempting to rid people of this ‘debilitating illness’, … you bully! … Just made myself laugh. … Tip my hat to you Mr. Winget. Thank you.
I am so greatful that you are here, I read everything you write. I
I agree with virtually everything you say, too many people want to be pampered , when a lot need a kick up the backside. Re what you say about Adults protecting their Children again they need to teach them to live independently in the real world. As for people loving all this fluffy self motivational bull well again your spot on. Sometimes I wish I could disagree with what you have to say, but I love your interpretations and am trying to convert my UK friends over to the Larry Winget way of seeing and doing things.
Though I agree with your overall message about society becoming so centered on self affirmation that it has become a detriment, I think your vector of attack (at least on this post) is a little bit of a stretch. As with your reply to commenter “Brian”, I will concede you have more knowledge about the general self-help populous than I do, but I think he had a point: on the surface, each of these “rules” seems like good advice. I’ll list what I think the author meant when writing these:
1. Don’t get too emotional (you seem to agree fully here) – have faith that things will work out. I don’t think the author would tout blind faith over work, and if s/he did, they are wrong.
2. I think this is a play on the all-too-common “When the going get’s tough” adage. At first glance, I read it as, “don’t give up when things are hard” rather than your interpretation, (correct me if I’m wrong here) “never accept failure, just keep going until your problem caves, no matter the consequence.”
3. Don’t try to over-complicate a simple problem. I don’t think the author meant it as a universal rule, and I would certainly hope that they agree with you that complicated problems often require complicated solutions.
4. This is the one that prompted my comment; I would say the author’s intention is less “laugh away all your problems” and more “don’t sweat the small stuff”. Obviously, if you’re going bankrupt, you shouldn’t be laughing that off. I think the author meant that if you have a minor issue, don’t worry about it unless it could cascade into a bigger problem. Spilled milk = laugh, $50,000 in debt = time for tears.
5. As a twenty-something, I see this rule as more of a plea to not fall for the “soul-sucking labor of the man” just yet. Now that phrase, I know, sounds stupid but it is a real concern for those just entering the business world. The general concern of graduates is on coming out of college with incredible amounts of debt – with the only prospect being years of thankless drone work to pay it off. I think the author is telling his/her readers to continue to find joy in life, even if times look tough, not to stagnate with the emotional maturity of a teenager.
Like I mentioned before, I actually agree with everything you said in this post, I think my problem with this post is it seems reactionary to a post from someone with more naive (and likely younger) followers.
A little background just to get an idea of where I’m coming from: I’m in my early twenties, I came from a financially stable and responsible family, and just graduated college. I have a stable career and never bought into the whole self-help hype.
In summary, I think there is a disparity between the age of the author of the “5 rules”, and the audience you are trying to reach, which allows you to take this article and argue against implications that were never there. In short, great message, but I think the delivery was a little shallow.
While I appreciate you taking the time the write your comments and they are respectful and well thought out, you lose credibility when you post anonymously with an email address of “straighttotrash@gmail.com” Which is exactly where your comment would normally go because of its anonymity. If you are going to post, be man enough to sign your name.
Thank you for this article. There’s a lot of hard truths in it many of us do not want to hear, but we need to – especially this generation who’s living with their parents full-time. I’ll admit, that’s me and I know I need to break that cycle.
Brilliant. Common sense strikes again.
Spot on! Thanks for sharing, Larry.
Larry, I Love You Man!! This is the best thing I’ve ever read. To think that I was the only one that believed in everything you just said. I know exactly what you mean. I love how true to a man you are about life and problems. It’s so true! You are right and correct in every which way. Thank you for all your advise. I will continue to follow them.
Larry I love this article, you nailed it! I was one of them, I just to read things that made me feel good, so I could justify my habits and not take responsibility. Thank God that deep inside me I knew that I was lying to myself and decided to fix and brake the bad habits. I still deal with the temptation to sabotage what I have accomplished from time to time, but I have not taken the easy way out, I deal with those temptations by reading and putting in practice articles like this as it reminds me that there is no easy way out.
Brilliant post Larry, as succinct and in your face as ever.
Your thoughts on point two are spot on. I’ve seen many folks giving their all to a bad idea. Only to find themselves broke and disillusioned.
Keep up the good work.
I love this article. Happy crap moves you no where. Just being laid off at 54 and listening to the many who’d like to give me advice and send me sweet kitty pictures, the best advice I got was, get up every morning and your job now is finding a job! Amen Larry, keep the great advice coming !
Picture must be taken from Winget Ranch! Excellent points. Thanks!
No hate mail…no ‘yeah but’s’…just a big smile for putting perfectly what many need to hear. Just wonderful sir.
That was a good post, Mr. Winget!
Thanks Larry for the “sanity” check!
I do like what Anon said as comment, a valid point and well articulated.
Most “cliche’s” are just that, short snippets of a larger message. As it is, the devils in the details and one can manipulate and twist a cliche into whatever message they want sent out.
Generally you have good, helpful points, but remember not everyone thinks alike, and thank God for that.
Keep writing and keep your video’s running, enjoy your point of view.
All good here….. nothing to disagree with. Keep shooting straight.
Larry, I have been a fan since the days of “Big Spender”. I really miss that show. As usual, you have nailed it! Society needs to have high expectations for their kids, otherwise we get the crap like we have now…. kids living with their parents for free at the age of 35, unable to support themselves emotionally and financially and destined to be a drain on society until they die. Keep up the good work.
This is the way I’ve survived all the things in my life I’ve had no control over. Its kept me sane and helped me raise three wonderful children who have grown into adults I love to be around. I think theworld would be better if more people tried these idea’s. lol Life too short and precious to take ones self too seriously. 🙂
There you go again, telling it like it is. I don’t believe I have ever seen anyone with a ‘come-back’ on happy go-lucky living advice! “When you find yourself on a dead horse, get off!” – I’m still laughing at that one!!!!
Great advice, Larry. People need to get real! If many of those parents (with kids age 35+ still living with them) took back all the purchases they made with money they didn’t have to impress people they don’t like…….then the kids would move out! But there’s no incentive for them to go get their own place when it doesn’t have a big screen TV, a new car in the driveway, and all the other bells and whistles in a lifestyle to which they have become accustomed. That would be ‘roughing’ it, LOL!
Great stuff, Larry. Keep up the good work.
Pat
Marry me, Larry!
At LAST! Someone with the courage and guts to say OUT LOUD what I believe many of us are thinking-that there are times when you need to give up. If something does not work/is not right for you, give it up and move on. Not matter what age you are.
And grow up! I recall a song, I think the title was from “Desiderata”, which went, in part “you are a child of the universe”. Well, that sound so nice; reality: all children need to grow up no matter where they are from.
I wish you had something like, “The Larry Winget Show” on your very own channel.
Thanks, Larry!
Hi Larry,
Excellent! Thank you for dispelling rumors and blowing-up empty words.
This morning, I put in a “Success is your own Damn Fault”. Your message and reminder of personal responsibility was perfect for what I needed to hear.
Two thumbs up, Larry! You nailed it!
I just love this. I am so lucky to find you Larry. Out there there are so many “happy, happy, joy, joy” motivational crap tend to forget the real world they’re living in. That is self-delusional and because of so, very dangerous too. You just got to face the truth you are facing it to make a real difference. Need to move forward to make change. Sure being optimistic helps, but without action, nothing happens.
What comes to that number 2, “never give up”? Albert Einstein put it together: “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results, you are an idiot!”
Take care,
Pete
P.S. Finnish is my native, disclaimer for misunderstanding