Okay, this is a rant. Â Know that now. Â We are in the midst of the holiday season with Christmas and Hanukkah and when gift giving abounds. Â So while my “spirit” should be more about giving and forgiving right now, it isn’t. Â It is about the “takers.” I am ticked at the rudeness that abounds throughout our society. Â I am sick of people (the takers) not saying thank you!
I get hundreds of emails from folks begging me to help them with their finances saying they would give ANYTHING if they weren’t so broke to have me call them personally or fly (on my nickel) to see them and tell them what to do. Â They tell me how they would love to buy my new book, You’re Broke Because You Want To Be, but they are too broke to even do that.
Some of these stories are pretty sad and I actually take the time to write many of these people with suggestions  and advice on what they could do to turn their lives around.  This is advice that I make pretty good money dispensing.  This is time I could be spending with my family and friends but instead I write these broke people back and offer them solid advice about fixing their pitiful situation.  Know how many write me back and say thank you?  I’ve had two.  Yep, two people wrote me back to say thanks.
Now, I want to make it clear that I don’t write them back IN ORDER to get a thank you. Â I write them back because they are in trouble and I know what it takes for them to fix it. Â I am a jerk in many ways, but I am not really a bad guy. Â If I have a solution for someone and they ask nicely for help, I’ll do my best to give them a hand . Â So I don’t do it FOR the thank you, but I am still amazed that people don’t say thank you! Â What the hell is wrong with people?
I was raised to open doors for people. Â I guess I am truly a sexist in that when I see a woman of any age approaching a door, I open it and hold it for her. Â The same applies to people who have their arms full or are older than I am. Â Almost NO ONE says thank you. Â They walk past me like I have nothing better to do than play door man to their rude selves! Â I do always say “You’re welcome!” Â very politely so they can hear me. Â Just as a reminder that someone has been courteous to them and they owe a thank you for it.
The streets are busy and crowded. Â It’s always nice when someone let’s me squeeze into traffic. Â I always give them a wave and mouth a thank you. Â Not a big deal. Â It takes one second. Â Then I do my best to reciprocate when I can. Â Few give me the wave or say thanks.
I have a thriving mail order business where people order my shirts, and books and DVDs, etc. Â From time to time, my staff messes up. We don’t get the order right or ship the wrong thing. Â When someone calls to complain over our mistake, we never argue or ask someone to send the wrong stuff back. Â We simply apologize then say “keep it” then we send the right thing out immediately. Â We also always throw in a bunch of extras as our way of saying “thank you for your order and we are sorry for making a mistake.” Â I can’t recall when anyone has ever said thank you for the extra stuff.
So does all of this mean that I will stop opening doors, or sending extra stuff or helping people who write me? Â No. Â Again, I do it because it is what should be done. Â I do it because I was raised to be that way. Â I do it because that is what I do and I am not going to stop being courteous just because others aren’t. Â And I do it because I want the world to wake up and be grateful when someone extends to them some common courtesy which has become ANYTHING but common.
So in the midst of the gift giving and the hustle and bustle or the holidays, become aware and courteous and say THANK YOU! Happy holidays!Â
Thank you for a great post. It’s about time someone spoke up for what is sadly a minority of nice polite folk.
Thanks for blogging Larry. Thanks for providing so much information for free. Thanks for having the GUTS to demand courtesy.
Have a happy holiday season.
Dear Larry,
I have your books and I would like to personally thank you for helping to change my outlook on life. I love what you say and how you say it. I’m in a similar business and extend quite a bit of free advice myself. I am so grateful to hear a “thank you” and it takes so little effort. It makes my day and it also makes my anxiety counseling so rewarding. It gives me a lift to know I’ve helped someone and have made a difference. I’m not afraid to admit that it does feel great to receive positive feedback. I am not in it for the “thank you’s” but I too was raised to extend my appreciation and it’s nice to know what you’re doing is working for others.. It’s funny how quickly the complaints roll off our tongues but the positive comments seem so much more difficult to let go of. I know you don’t know me but I think you are wonderful and I recommend your book (Especially SHUT UP, STOP WHINING AND GET A LIFE) to most of my clients. Most of all, I’ve always wanted you to know how much of an impact your material has had on me…and I thank you for being so real and coming into my life through your books and information.
Best wishes,
Dr. Ronnie Freedman
Anxiety Busters, Inc.
Thank you Larry. Despite a world where common gratitude seems to be lacking, the work you have done in the past and hopefully continue to do has help so many, including myself. Hope you are having a wonderful holiday season, and aren’t getting to discouraged by those that lack common courtesy.
THANK YOU FOR POINTING THAT OUT. It’s not just you…during this season I’m always shocked at how little people are willing to take a minute to say thanks. We hosted a dinner party last week and our guests asked to take home all of the leftovers and didn’t bother to thank us for the weeks worth of food they carted off. What’s with the sense of entitlement? I’m glad it’s not just me that feels this way. 🙂 Happy holidays. Love the show and the books!
Thank you for posting and writing what you believe. I just finished your book Shut up stop whining and get a life and i laughed my ass off! You say what i want to most of the time. I loved the book and am working on my health issues. I have agreed to stop eating like a pig. Simple as that. I also hate that the world has stopped saying thank you. It takes two seconds and is desperately needed in this world. My husband laughs at me when i get furious when i get no thank you wave when i let someone go ahead of me. Really it takes a second to lift up a hand and wave. I love Wyonna Judds song “what the world needs now is love” she sings sometimes all someone needs is a little smile and she replies what a concept. How True!!! I am not a peace loving hippy however that was a good era, but really just a smile, a nod or a thank you. You are amazing and i enjoyed your book greatly! Keep changing lives and speak the truth.
Happy Holidays!!!
Hi Larry,
I enjoyed your RANT on manners and courtesy. Like you I am a product of the time when the practice of good manners was instilled in us by our parents and they would not tolerate our ignoring them.
One of my favorite science fiction writers, Heinlein, in the book “The Cat Who Walked Throug Walls” had several characters discuss manners and the conclusion seemed to be that anything except bad manners could possibly be over looked depending on the circumstances.
I have really enjoyed your show and the one book I have read so far and am going to order the new one as soon as I finish this.
Happy New Year!
I have read your book “It’s Called Work For A Reason” and just purchased the audio version of “You’re Broke Because You Want To Be” as a gift for my brother in hopes that he will learn something from you as I have. I also DVR every episode of Big Spender to watch with my wife.
You have given me some of the tools I need to be a better person and ammuntion for trying to talk some sense into my brother since his life is a complete disaster. However, it’s like talking to a brick wall sometimes. The person you describe in the opening chapter sounds like his Bio. He would answer “YES” to ever question and use another CD adding to it. I hope this book gets to him and allows him to see there is a better way.
I also want to say “Thank you for everything!” because you deserve to hear it.
Hello Larry, I’ve just finished reading “You’re Broke Because You Want to Be.” THANK YOU! I know we can turn our situation around and get back on track. The tools in the book are invaluable. We’ve worked the worksheets and began refining the budget. Credit cards are cut up, in the process of turning off stuff and now making a list of things to sell on ebay/garage sales.
It’s about time someone told it like it needs to be, I’m sick of the mamby pamby attitude of people who won’t take responsibility for their messes.
Happy Holidays to you and yours,
Colleen Brown
Larry, Thank you for the times you’ve mentioned janitors in a positive way. I’m a janitor and I hate the sterotype of the lewd , dumb janitor (like that guy on the Simpsons) And when you mailed me that picture of yourself that you signed I was so excited! Thanks for everything Larry!
THANK YOU, Larry!
I picked up Shut Up, Stop Whining and Get a Life when it was first released and it gave me that little extra push to get out of the situaition I was in. I was an overworked, stressed-out DBA for a well-known mortgage company in So Cal, with rising bills and stagnant income and stuck in a starter home with practically no yard that was uncomfortably small for a family of 4.
After reading your book, I told my wife “WE have to change if we want things to change.” Change what? Anything! As it turned out, everything! 5 months later, the jump was complete: our house was sold at what turned out to be the peak price(for much more than we paid for it in 98), we had moved to Colorado in a house and yard that was more than big enough for family and guests and I found a job with a solid company that pays well and yet is low stress and lets me enjoy my family and my life. We not only have enough but now have been able to give out of our abundance.
In short, my wife and I took charge of our situation and made some decisions that others thought were “risky”. But what we were doing before wasn’t working — we were slowly sinking. Taking control of the things we could take control of turned out even better than I had hoped. I do consider myself blessed, but isn’t it interesting that those who think, decide and act seem to blessed more than those who don’t?
Had we NOT made the change, that well known mortgage company went broke in early 2007, the bottom fell out of the housing market where we lived and I don’t know what I would be doing now.
I also want to THANK YOU for your book suggestion for Simpleology last year. I don’t always agree with Mr. Joiner, but his web site has helped me organize my goals and dreams in a way I had never considered before. I am on my way to becoming what I’ve always wanted to be, now that I have the tools, the motivation and the realization that I am in charge of me, and I determine the story of my life.
You have a GREAT New Year, Larry, and though I’m not broke any more, I’ll be buying your new book on the online launch date. Your other books have been worth much more than the purchase price, so I don’t see why this one would be any different.
One last time, because it’s never too many times:
THANK YOU!
Hello Larry,
Happy New Year and a big THANK YOU for all of it: the books, tapes, articles, and so forth. In a world of wishy-washy people, more interested in doing what is politically correct instead of what is right, what you do and say is most refreshing! I started with, ” … And Get a Life” and that helped me change course. My question: when are your out-of-print books be reissued?
Thanks again,
Diane T. Padilla
Larry, you are with the Lord Jesus himself who healed 10 people and only 1 came back to say “thank you.” I LOVE “Big Spender” and both my husband and I have learned and changed so many things. I have ordered your books and anxiously waiting for them to come on 1/7/08. We are both just about retirement age (60) and are preparing our income for that time. However, we are shy about attending the company sponsored retirement seminars (AIG, Fidelity, etc) because we feel the representatives are trying to promote their product rather than what’s best for us. Your thoughts? [P.S.: thanks for reading!]
Hi Larry. Gosh, I would pay to fly you here to hang with my hubbie and I. He really…really…likes you. I just got off the phone with him and he is listening to all your books via his computer. He just started on your second book and he told me, “Larry just poured gas on my butt and lit in on fire! I love it!” 🙂 On a very serious note, he said, “He’s my dream dad.” It was a tearjerker moment. We are a young couple and really need direction. Thank you so much for your wisdom and being our ‘wise dad’. If you are ever in Georgia, let us know. I’ll cook you up some Thai food!
Larry:
Thank you for everything you do and say and write to help us all improve our lives. I, for one, really appreciate it.
Elizabeth
Excellent post Larry! This has always caused me irritation when people ask me something then don’t show any courtesy towards me when I help them out. I was taught to help people who need it and ask for it. I like your advice here too. Keep up the great work you are doing. We know you will.
THANKS a Million TIMES!
I found your book at the airport (It’s called work for a reason).
You’ve heard the following before, not even gonna pretend it’s orginal, but thank you, your words validate my thoughts and how I tried to lead my business.
I like to think I failed because everyone wasn’t behind me, but in fact it’s just because I didn’t have what it took to ride it out for the long haul.
Perspective, or the validation of my own personal outlook, thats what your book did (and I get that it’s about selling the pubs.)
So thanks.
Get to Detroit sometime, I owe you a beer.
Hey Larry,
I may be way off-base here, but I think the reason some people do not write you back a second time might be that they’re afraid of seeming like a pest… as if they’re only writing back to force you into some kind of ongoing correspondence, like to strike up a friendship with the famous guy. They don’t want you to feel obligated to answer them again, and they don’t want to look like celebrity-stalkers.
Of course, there are always just really rude, ungrateful people, too. And the ones who didn’t hear what they wanted to hear (“oh, poor you! None of this is your fault! I feel so bad for you… here, take this big fat check…”). But I think at least a few of them just don’t want to bother you again.
Luckily I don’t “need” your advice (I could have used it about 10 years ago, but I kicked my own butt and now I’m just fine!), but I still watch and read you faithfully, and I am still grateful that you’re doing what you’re doing for others. So, on behalf of everyone, thank you!!
Thanks to all of you who said Thank You. There were a couple of questions in these comments so let me quickly hit them.
Company sponsored retirement events: Yes, they are run by salesmen. Period. But go and listen and then LEAVE. You can get valuable information to make your own decisions at that point.
When will my out of print books be re-issued…………NEVER. Sorry, different information and different style so none are coming back. But I have two more new books coming up that you can look for soon. And a special announcement that will come out in a couple of weeks so stay tuned!@
Thanks again to all and keep commenting!
Larry, I just wanted to tell you that I am listening to your Audiobook “You’re Broke Because You Want to Be”. I LOVE it so far!! I, thankfully, am not in this situation, however, I value everything you have to say and love your approach! Even my 2 boys (ages 10 & 12) love listening to you — hopefully they’ll remember what you’re saying in this book! I have 2 sisters that are in so deep they’re ready to jump off of a cliff. I am going to order another copy of this audiobook and give to each of them. I only HOPE that they’ll (a) listen to the whole thing, and (b) do what you say to do in the book. I agree with what you have to say. My husband and I have tried to tell them for a long time that you can’t fix money problems with money — you have to change your lifestyle! Wish me luck in getting them straight! Keep up the great work!
How about the opposite as well….
Funny thing is when I say “Thank You” to someone, I usually get an “Uh-Huh” as an answer. My retort is generally…
“I Believe you mean to say, “You’re Welcome.”
Hey, you’re only sexist opening a door for a woman if you wouldn’t want her opening it for you. Sorry to hear that so many people take from you and don’t give back.
Let me just say Thank you……I have watched you show on A&E and my husband and I have turned our finances around. You really opened up my eyes.
Also I agree with you, I am a women and do hold doors for people and about 35% of the time I get a thank you. If I do not get a thank you I yell in a loud voice your welcome at them. Makes me feel good.
Dana……I’m certainly no sexist. I like it when ANYone holds the door for me. And I will hold the door open for anyone too – male or female. It’s not a matter of sex – it’s a matter of courtesy.
Great to see so many of you responding to this one!
Larry
Dear Larry,
Wow. I just discovered your blog and I will be back on a weekly basis going forward! I have really enjoyed all of them, but especially this one. Recently I was at a coffee establishment about to take a big chug of my latte, when a woman came running over to me and grabbed my hand and halted my sip. She frantically took my cup and explained to me that the lid wasn’t all the way on and I was about to be covered in super hot coffee. I thanked her profusely for helping me, even though I was a total stranger. Anyway, your blog made me think of this and how it’s so important to be thoughtful and appreciative. My Dad always says that we are all in control of our own emotions. In other words, nobody else can make you feel a certain way, you do it to yourself. So I choose to be thoughtful and gratuitous because it’s a way to take care of myself, a way to make myself feel good. So to all the folks who want to blame everyone else for their emotions, perhaps they should try to say thank you more often!
Thanks for your blogs!
Jenny
Thanks Larry for everything. I have watched your show since it has been on and I love it. You are a no nonsense kind of guy. Not many people tell it like it is. I’m glad to know I’m not alone !!!! My friends give me crap and call me sexist because I am a woman and taught my son since age 6 to open doors for all women and anyone older than him. I heard him tell his friend once – “That’s what a MAN does.” My daughters open doors for anyone older. I also gave my son approval to nicely say “Thank You” to anyone that didn’t thank him. I have always thought it my duty to teach my kids (and some of my friends kids) manners. My oldest (19) actually thanked me and it felt GREAT.
One thing I did want to mention about the rude service. My favorite preface to complaining about rude service has been to say, “Apparently you are unclear on who is profit and who is overhead in this equation between you and I. Perhaps your boss is here and can explain it to you …. can I speak with them ?” Usually I will hear behind me, “That’s a good one” or “I’ll have to remember that one”.
Keep up the good work and don’t get too stressed out at the idiots ….. there’s just no fixin stupid.
Debbie
I just finished reading one of your books and loved it. However I do have one comment. In your book you mention coupons. That receiving a coupon for a restaurant does steer you towards going there to eat. Because my husband and I do not eat out very much this actually makes me want to go to that restaurant. I go because I received a coupon, and incentive to go. My mentallity is hey, they need the business, otherwise they would not have sent me the coupon. So I go to get a meal and help the business out. I do not use all the coupons I received. But I do use the coupons of the restaurants that I do like.
Larry, I want to say thank you so much for all the goodness you have shared .I am almost finished with “Shut up”. And I can’t tell you how much a an impact it has made my life. As a result I am recomending it to everyone I know. You have a great gift. And you are applying it to help others. God Bless you and you’re family. I wish you the very best life has to offer.
Dave
Hi! I was surfing and found your blog post… nice! I love your blog. 🙂 Cheers! Sandra. R.
Larry, I saw you speak at a Nortel user group event in Nashville back in 1997 and have been a fan ever since. However, I lost the little daily list of reminders you gave out that night, and sorely miss them. I’ve been trying to find a reincarnation of the list online, but no luck so far.
I wanted to weigh in on this rant, to add my displeasure with the increasingly common response of “no problem” instead of the time-honored “you’re welcome”. Especially in business or retail transactions where I’m being polite and thanking someone. Being a heavy customer service advocate, my mental (and occasionally vocal) response to hearing this is “I should hope it’s not a problem, it’s your job”. Am I just being too literal in my response, or do others share this reaction?
Mr Larry Winget the great work you are doing is absolutely wonderful,we thanks you a lot and wishes you more self knowlodge for truly the greatest freedom in life is to know yourself.Last month I went to one of the store in Boston I saw one of your great book ”The idiot factor” it really touch me when I saw the word on it cover sabotage,then I started to read it,i instantly bought your book and I am reading it always,very soon I will buy the rest of your books,i thanks you for sharing your rich experience about life.