I get accused of being a bit of an attack dog when it comes to most things. After all, I did trademark, The Pitbull of Personal Development®. I even encourage others to become pitbulls in their own way. But people often get confused by my style and miss my message. Therefore, some people consider my attacks to be either rude, condescending, or personal. I can assure you that is not the case. I never want to attack another human being on a personal level. I do, however, feel I have the right to attack the behavior of individuals.
I recently watched a segment of 60 Minutes with Supreme Court Justice Scalia. Justice Scalia, (by the way, I don’t agree with his positions very often) was talking about his very close friend, Justice Ginsberg and how they have such an unlikely friendship. After all, you have Scalia, a true conservative and Ginsberg, a liberal. He said, “I attack ideas, not people, and there are very good people with very bad ideas.” I like that. I hope I do the same. At least that is my intent: I want the ability to rise above behavior and enjoy people while still being able to consider that their actions are stupid, detrimental, idiotic, rude and sometimes, even insane!!!
I covered this is my book, “It’s Called Work For A Reason.” By the way, if you haven’t bought that book, stop and do it. If you agree with anything I say, then you will enjoy that book. It’s my best stuff. Yeah, I like Shut Up, Stop Whining & Get A Life. I like the title better than the book though. It’s good and a lot of people have responded well to it and it still sells very well. And if you are in debt or having money problems, I feel very good about my efforts in You’re Broke Because You Want To Be. It is full of simple things that anyone can do the day they buy the book to begin to turn their financial situation around for the better. However, my best stuff all ’round, is in It’s Called Work For A Reason. It covers every area of business but most importantly talks about personal responsibility when it comes to the workplace. I think every person in the workforce could learn something from it, from the janitor to the CEO. Okay, enough pushing the book, now let me push my point! When you have an employee, you have the right to both monitor and enforce your position about that employee’s behavior. If you don’t like the behavior, you can attack it and correct it and work on that behavior until you get it the way you want it to be, after all, you are paying for it. If you can’t fix the behavior, I think the employee should be fired so they can go someplace where their behavior fits the job better than it did for you. But I want to make sure that it is about the behavior. It is not about the employee. If you don’t like the person, that is not part of the deal, you aren’t paying for their personality. You are paying for that person’s results . . . period. Manage and judge the worth of an employee based on their results – not their personality. (Yes, sometimes personality can effect results – that if for a different posting!!)
The same applies to your children. When your kid messes up (and they will) you don’t attack the kid. You simply attack the kid’s behavior. As with everyone else in your family. Good people do stupid, idiotic things. Attack the action; the behavior, the result, but not the person.
So as you read my musings…realize that my attacks are meant to be about the behavior of people. That is what my next book is all going to be about – an attack on the ridiculously stupid behaviors of people…but more on that as we get closer to release time! But let me say this: If you like my other titles were controversial, this one will give people palpitations. I am working on it now and you will see the book on the shelves, right after the first of the year.
To summarize:
1. Attack behavior – you have the right – especially if it effects you, if you are paying for it, or if you brought it into this world.
2. If you don’t own It’s Called Work For A Reason, leave this posting now and buy it! It is available in hardback, paperback and on audio (read by me!)
Thanks for reading and have a great week!
Larry
Larry,
I believe behavior should be “attacked.” Two sayings came to mind as I read your comments; “You don’t need a license to have a kid but you need a license to have a dog.” The other is, “There’s no such thing as bad kids, just bad parents.”
The best place to see bad behavior not “attacked” is in a supermarket. Go from isle to isle and see the same frustrated woman with the same irritating children and count how many times she says “no” or “stop”.
But as a parent, it is easy to “attack” behavior. The finesse is getting the child to understand two things; exactly why they are being punished, and that you still love them. I will call this the “follow-up.”
On more than one occasion I have taken my children out of the grocery store for some loving, disciplinary action while leaving a cart full of groceries for some poor stock boy to put back up…but what the hell, they get paid and my kids are more important anyhow!
In our house, we have a twist on “time-out” that we found very effective. The children still under our roof are 4, 6, 9, and 12. Whenever there is some kind of “infraction” depending on the severity of it, we have the children stand with their arms strait out from their sides and their palms facing up. This is usually only lasts a couple of minutes before it gets there attention.
Once the behavior has been “attacked”, we talk about it until is made clear why they were punished and then we give them a hug and kiss and tell them we love them. Usually the whole incident is over within 10 minutes.
Last year my family and I went to a Christmas party. The best compliment I received the following Monday at work was, “Wow, your kids are so well behaved.” I heard that more than once. I don’t write that to brag, I write that to show that the behavior of the children is a direct result of actions from the parent.
I enjoyed that compliment because I know my wife and I have taken the steps to teach our children the difference between right and wrong. No kid is perfect, we know that. But the key with children is not only consistency, but the “follow-up” after the “attack.”
Larry,
Funny, I just picked up “It’s Called Work For A Reason” yesterday…I stopped reading it to check your blog…loving it so far! I wish you would do something in the NYC area. I would LOVE to see you in person! Back to the book!
Thank you so much for writing your books. I am a middle aged man who has yet to become successful. I now have your picture on my computer desktop to help remind me to get my ass busy. As someone who is in 100% commission sales that is very important. When money isn’t quite so tight I will order your bobble head to help remind me.
I’m a contract recruiter and I read all your books including “It’s called work for a reason”. I am contracted into companies where the recruiting process is not working. It’s usually the fault of complacent recruiters. So their recruiters learn to hate me right away.
I had a guy tell me last week (after I’d placed 3 people in jobs that they’d not filled in a year) that they were ‘professionals’ and would never stoop to my methods for finding candidates. This was meant to imply that I was not a ‘professional’.
I told him that he needed to shut up before he embarrassed himself because if he’d been doing his job as a real professional would – they’d never have had to pay me five times as much to come in and clean up the mess. I closed with one last familiar line “It’s called work for a reason.”
He still hates me – but he knows he can’t run me off. My esteem is built on the level of effort I’m willing to put forward and my results.
Thanks for the great advice!
Larry
I enjoy reading your material but I do NOT like the profanity used as the title of your recent dvd collections. Success is your own da** Fault. Profanity is your own fault!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Larry,
Great post, as always!
(Reminds me of a Ron White comedy DVD, “You Can’t Fix Stupid.” Of course, he’s talking about choosing the right people in your life. But it applies in business as it does in relationships.)
Anyhow, here’s an idea for your next book title: “The Cure For Stupidity: The Smart Way to Get Great Results” and/or “Why Tolerating Bad Behavior is Just As Idiotic.”
Just a thought.
Robin – I didn’t title that program by Nightingale-Conant. They did. They did quite a bit of research and testing before deciding to use it. It tested well with tens of thousands of people. And, if you will notice, that is the sub-title of my previous book, It’s Called Work For A Reason. I like the word and don’t consider it to be profane. It conveys the message I wanted to convey to shock people into personal responsibility. It is even used often in the Bible. I understand that for some people however, that the word “damn” is considered to be profane. But trust me, if “damn” offends you – as you read my material, you are going to be much much more offended by other things I say. Thanks for writing!
all the best
Larry
Larry,
After re-reading “It’s called work for a reason” for a 2nd time, I put your motto up in my cube. Our VP liked it so much that she asked for a copy and had me distribute it within my department. I’ve also incorporated many of the topics from the book into my bi-monthly departmental meetings and have really noticed the change in attitude we have towards our customers and company.
Thanks
I have worked with troubled kids for more than twenty years and I have to agree with you about “attacking” behavior, not the person. Some people have grown up without limits, without boundaries or guidelines, and without knowledge about what behavior is appropriate in which situation. That doesn’t mean that they are bad people; they just don’t know.
But the good news is that if proper guidance, or instruction or a good “attack” takes place, negative behavior can often be remedied and lives can be changed. Sometimes it’s important to be a pitbull.