I have said for years that I only have two prejudices: stupid and fat. Those are my only two because those two are choices. Don’t argue with me, they are choices. Stupidity is a choice: read a book! As for FAT: don’t whine glandular problems ’cause that ain’t the case! Less than one out of a thousand can even remotely use that as an excuse. And don’t blame your genes: chances are that you haven’t fit in your jeans for years! People are fat by choice! Period. Did you ever eat anything by accident? No, you chose to eat it. No one held a gun to your head. You went to the store, put it in your basket, paid for it, cooked it and stuffed your face with it. You went to the restaurant and chose it from the menu and paid to eat it. Your choices made you fat – nothing else.
Now that I have properly offended a good number of you reading this, let’s move on to one of my points: a new study that came out just this week says that if Americans continue eating the way they are now and maintaining their sedentary lifestyle, that in twenty years, 86% of our society will be obese. Argue with me all you want folks. Say I am wrong and unfair and have a heart of stone. But you are killing yourselves. Not with a knife or gun but with a knife and fork. People are eating their eyes closed!
Here is the second point of this rant: Food Portions. Just this morning, I went to a restaurant for breakfast. I ordered a short stack (two pancakes.) Seemed like a reasonable breakfast. The short stack was short, only about an inch high but the pancakes were bigger than the ten inch plate they were served on. They had enough butter on top to lather up a fat boy at the beach. Sadly, most people would ooh and ah and talk about what a great place this breakfast restaurant was for that reason alone. In fact, it is lauded to be one of San Diego’s best places to eat breakfast. Yet I always wonder whether restaurants are being praised for the quality of their food or for the quantity? Seems like in America, for a restaurant to be considered good, it has to serve ginormous portions – to hell with quality. My wife and I ate at a popular Italian restaurant recently that everyone said was just the best place ever! When they delivered our food, there must have been 10,000 calories in front of us. Seriously, there was enough food for 6 grown people. My piece of lasagna was at least 8X8 and 4 inches thick; enough to serve four people alone. It was disgusting. It tasted okay but holy crap, what one person needs that much food????? Yet, if they brought only enough food to fill a person up or to be healthy, they would go out of business for being stingy and serving skimpy portions. Instead they load you up with mediocrity and astound you with their huge portions. I have been lucky enough to travel all over the world – no where does this happen except in Amercia. In Europe, the focus is on how good the food is, how tasty it is, not about how much of it you can stack on a plate. They don’t concern themselves with calories . . . yet Europeans aren’t fat like Americans. Why? Portion control.
Americans are idiots when it comes to food. Not because of what we eat but because of how much we eat. I am as guilty as anyone. I eat stuff that is bad for me. I could also afford to lose ten pounds and be much better off. Don’t think I am standing on my soap box preaching what I don’t need to hear myself. I LOVE food. I love food that is bad for me. I love biscuits and gravy and chicken fried steak and all things greasy. I COULD eat it every meal and be happy. Instead, I just try to eat it every once in a while to remind me of my roots and satisfy my grease cravings. Even then, I try NOT to clean my plate but to just eat enough to get full. Try that yourself – eat until you are full then push the plate away. Ask the waiter to take the plate away. Even if you only had two bites, if you are full, stop eating!!!
I could write much more on this but instead I am going to summarize:
1. Don’t eat so much. Eat whatever you want, but eat smaller quantities of it.
2. Judge restaurants by the quality of the food and not the quantity.
3. Take care of yourself. You have people who love you and people you love in return. Live as long as you can so you can enjoy them.
4. Try to burn more calories than you consume. Take a friggin’ walk!!!!!!
A spoon Larry. Many people can kill themselves with a spoon – ice cream, pudding, chocolate, cream cheese.
Oh, and a cup too. Mocha chocolate latte with whipped cream, sports drinks, colas.
I agree 100% that people are ignoring the fact that they are fat. People are now more concern with things more than people including themselves. People think that if they are wealthy then no one will care if they are overweight or obese. That is sadly partly true in this day and age. Wake up america it does matter. Being over weight is not cute, permissible, or healthy. Quit being in denial and think it doesn’t matter. If being fat doesn’t matter then why did God give us vegetables and fruit not process drive thru meals? God gave us healthy food to keep us healthy not sick and fat. Wake up america you are FAT.
Jacki – and straws!!!!! thanks for the addition.
Cecile – yep, I agree. I just hate to see fat people on television talk about how they feel good about themselves and it isn’t important to focus on losing weight. Even Oprah yo-yo’s up and down and says that she is finally comfortable with her weight. I watched a show on television recently about fat people who said they liked being fat. When you become comfortable with being overweight – it is because you don’t want to admit that you don’t have the will to lose weight. You have given up. And for people who say they like being fat – I guess they like being dead too.
When I went to a local restaurant with my father one time, I observed a woman who was so huge, she was in a wheelchair. That’s pretty damn pathetic. I’m not perfect, myself, and we all have our failings, but to be so big that you can’t even walk is flat-out disgusting.
When I went to Oregon with my parents, I saw a couple that was like this and since this is a hot button for me, I commented on it and my dad, who’s had weight issues in the past, got hugely offended and even did the old “glandular problem” thing to drum up a sympathetic argument. Yeah right.
The bright side is that seeing these people scares the hell out me and keeps me wanting to get healthier.
Hi Larry:
My husband and I have taken stock of our lives recently… I was 112 pounds when I got married 22 years ago. My husband was 185. I recently weighed myself and discovered that I was over 200 pounds… that was the wake up call to me. I was no longer “under the 200 pound mark” that I used to reconcile my weight with. We have re-evaluated what is important to us and realized that we are just to busy to take care of ourselves. I am returning to the home full-time and I will create healthy food and healthy menus and stop the madness! We are lucky that our children are in their early 20s and late teens and all have jobs and are mainly self-sufficient these days. Economically we can do this if we cut out every cable channel under the sun and the TVO unit, etc. I know that we will benefit greatly in our stress levels as well. Time to stop the madness in the race for the most toys!
Bonus of doing this also is that living in Canada we will eventually pay less taxes for being a single although high income family!
Love what you have to say… keep it up!
*applause*
I just wanted to say that I’m a big fan. I just finished your book “Shut up, stop whining, and get a life” and I want to read it again. It was great advice.
Anyways, I agree with this post too. In fact, I was just talking to a guy at work about this yesterday. Well, actually, he was dogging me to quit smoking. He said if you want to quit, just quit. I said, I WANT to quit but didn’t think I could. And he said, “then you really don’t want to quit.”
And he was right. But this led to him talking about eating and how he wasn’t going on a diet, but instead he was going to eat less. Eat what you want, just eat it in smaller portions.
His final advice to me was, “Ok, if you can’t quit smoking, then smoke LESS…”
Touche.
I agree with every word you said. But in attacking the eating habits, it seems to me that we are attacking the symptons, not the disease. What’s the disease? We have no purpose in life. We are afraid to get involved in things that matter. We use food as a drug to numb the more serious personal problems that we refuse to face.
So while I totally agree that most of us could/should be more careful about what and how much we eat, we also need to do some soul searching about what/who we are and why we are here. In my opinion, it is to make the world a better place. But as you mentioned we are too fat and lazy, glued to the TV set and would rather be passive about life.
People need to get off their butts and do something worthwhile. If we put more energy into life both our bodies and spirits would benefit.
I completely agree! Portion size is out of control everywhere! Here is a suggestion for folks who find it hard to push the plate away at a restaurant once their full. Ask for the to go box before you start eating and put half of your meal away. It helps control the temptation to clean your plate. At home, use a luncheon plate. Believe it or not, it holds just enough food and helps with your portion control. Before you know it, you won’t need it anymore.
According to the CDC, my weight is “normal”. This is a lie. I weigh a lot more than I should and I am going to stop putting off doing something about it. I am going to lose that weight and get back where I belong. Since the CDC doesn’t count me as fat and they should, what’s the true percentage of Americans that need to lose weight?
Everyone should listen to Randy Pausch’s speech to the graduating ’08 class at CM. It is short and powerful. Also, listen to “The Last Lecture” and his time management lecture. They are both great. I don’t mention him to get off topic, but to make the point that Randy narrated the book “The Last Lecture” while he was on his bike for an hour every day. He did this so that he wouldn’t take time away from his family to do this book.
If a man who is is dying has one hour a day to ride his bike I sure as hell will never, ever again say that I don’t have time to exercise.
Two words: Weight Watchers. Helps deal with the portions while eating what you like to eat!
Thank you for this, Larry! One thing that drives me nuts is that we’ve gone so far into denial that people who are NOT overweight are considered abnormal… WE are the ones who are always seen to have an eating disorder!! There are WAYYYYYY more overweight people than there are people who are so thin as to create health problems. I can count on one hand the number of people I see in a year that make me think “wow, she’s really skinny!!” But I am surrounded by overweight people everywhere I go, every single day. Overweight FAR outnumbers underweight.
Also, I hate the way it’s OK to make jokes about someone who’s slim (“Geez, [slim celebrity]… eat a sandwich!”] and advocate holding them down and force-feeding them cheeseburgers, but you could never publicly say that an overweight person should be held down and have their jaw wired shut. Thin people are fair game for jokes. Overweight people are a protected class. I’m a size 2. I’m not skinny by any means… my bones and ribs aren’t prominent and I have womanly curves in all the right places, I just don’t have rolls and flab. I’m a healthy eater (vegetarian) and try to stay fit, but in our society, I am considered freakish and mentally unstable for that. And perfect strangers feel they have the right to say “God, how much do you weigh? Don’t you ever eat?!” and that’s considered socially acceptable. Yet if I went up to a large person and said “God, how much do you weigh? Don’t you ever stop eating?!” I’d be considered rude. And rightly so, actually. BOTH ARE RUDE AND SHOULD NOT BE ACCEPTABLE.
If people want to be obese, well… that’s their choice, I suppose. If they think not being able to walk 10 feet or tie their own shoes is preferable… fine. We all make our choices. But what I do object to is when *their* choice to be overweight affects *my* life. When I miss my train and therefore am late for an appointment because I’m stuck behind someone on a staircase who’s so big they take 30 seconds to navigate each step… yeah, I get pissed. When I can’t sit down on the subway because someone’s taking up two seats, or I’m in pain from squeezed into half a seat because the person next to me is too big to fit in just one seat, I feel like demanding that they pay me the money of mine they’re spending by taking up more than the ONE seat they’ve paid for (especially when they give me a dirty look, like I’M the one who can’t fit and should stand!). Mind you, I don’t get upset if I miss my train because I get caught behind an elderly or disabled person. But an overweight person has negatively affected my life with their CHOICE. That’s different. God did not make you fat… you did. Don’t make your choice my problem.
I have overweight friends and family (as an American, odds are good). But they’re not in denial. They don’t make excuses. They don’t profess to enjoy being overweight, nor do they insist they’re normal or healthy, or that fat is more “attractive.” Of course I wish they would lose the weight… not because I want them to look better, but because their size too often hampers their ability to fully enjoy life, and I don’t want them to die young of something 100% preventable. I love them and want them to be happy and healthy for a long time. I don’t judge their weight for superficial reasons. Fat is not only unattractive. It’s unhealthy, it kills and it affects more than just the overweight person. It affects strangers who miss their trains, but more importantly, friends and family who must always work around the person’s weight, and loved ones who endure the constant health problems and then mourn the premature passing of someone who could have–and should have–lived a long, happy life.
I agree 100% about portions. My husband and I will order a couple of appetizers and a salad, and that’s plenty. OR split an entree. Europeans aren’t nearly as fat…partially because of portion control, but also because they walk a whole bunch. (We’ve been all over) Unfortunately, our fast food places are doing damage over there too. I, however, am also firmly convinced that the advent of diet sodas/diet cookies and many other “diet” foods have contributed greatly to our obesity epidemic. I truly feel that the word “diet” on foods/drinks have lulled a great many into the belief that it can be consumed ad nauseum. The number of people who drink several diet sodas daily and are overweight astonishes me. I don’t drink any soda at all (except club soda), and never have. (PS I’ll bet that everyone so far who has commented is of normal weight….it’s awfully easy to be smug…myself included!) Now I’m off to read a book! 🙂
All I can say is AMEN!!!
I have had that problem and slow and steady I am ridding myself of that damn caloric excess baggage.
To addto your pointed remarks about FAT, by quoting part of a routine that Buddy Hacket used in reference to some telling him “Get Out Of Here You Fat Bastard!
To put a more polite twist on that statement, he stated that the party tried to be nice about and made that remark in Latin (to be high class):
“Abscundi Oberseri Illigitmo”.
I feel as you do, fat is not a gene problem, fat is not a gland problebm (except in a very few exceptions), fat is a “you” problem, fat is a “time” problem (not stoping eating when you know you have had enough and fat is a caloric thumb sucking problem – eating because you are feeling sorry for yourself and using food to comfort you!!!!
Hell yeah! Thank you Larry for voicing an opinion that I too have had for years. Fat is gross! No matter what anyone says, it is disgusting. I am not saying that fat people are not nice, in fact my own mother WAS fat and is one of the nicest people on Earth. Also, my husband WAS fat. He was starting to look like Buddah! He lost 40 lbs and he is also nice. What I am saying is that instead of choosing to be healthy and eat normal portions they CHOSE to eat massive portions of the wrong foods. It’s simple, if you eat large portions of unhealthy foods TA DA- you will be large and unhealthy! Especially if regular exercise is left out of the equation. One does not have to be a brain surgeon to figure that one out! I feel it is disgusting because the person has chosen not to care about themselves in such a way that it affects their health, attitude and daily living abilities. Look at all the people who have knee and hip surgery because of all the weight they gained. Did they think to change their attitudes about food and exercise before it got to that point? No. Let me tell you it didn’t happen over a short period of time. It makes me upset that alot of people make excuses for themselves for being obese/fat. Many of these same people are the ones who continue to complain that “it’s not my fault, it’s society’s fault , it’s stress, it’s hormonal (like you mentioned), there’s not enough time to exercise.” Blah, blah, wa, wa. With all the time they spend making up excuses they could be planning a day’s healthy menu or starting a walking regimen. Society should not have to accommodate these people in every way either. We do not need to create larger wheelchairs, stretchers, special ambulances, beds, toilets, etc. Also, obese people SHOULD pay for 2 seats on an airplane. I don’t know about anyone else, but I sure as heck don’t want someone’s fat rolls hanging over my arm rest!! We should not make it easy to be obese. It’s a bunch of BS! All it takes is some initiative and motivation, aka- not being lazy, and making some better choices about eating and exercise and making them permanent. Thanks- I needed to get that out!!
As someone who works in the pharmaceutical business I need to thank these fat folks. They keep me working to find drugs for them to take to lose weight. More money than brains I say. All they need to do is diet and exercise. There is no quick fix. What I really hate is sitting beside one of these overly obese (is there such a thing?!) on an airplane. I ride coach so the seats are narrow. Airlines should start weighing passengers instead of baggage, but I digress. So long as there is “supersize” on the menu, people will see it as a monetary momentary bargain (go ahead and use that one Larry, I don’t mind). In the long run, they’ll pay for it.
You are right on. I could weigh 350 pounds with little effort. My sister, who does, always said she had an over active thyroid and my dad would quip back – no you have an overactive fork.
Yeah, the airplane thing amazes me too… the way obese people feel they shouldn’t have to pay for two seats if they take up two seats. It’s “discrimination.” Hey, I would *also* feel more comfortable on a plane if I had two seats to stretch out in. But if I want two seats, I have to PAY for two seats. Just like if I’m hungrier than everyone else and want two meals in a restaurant, I have to PAY for two meals. Is that discrimination too?
It’s silly. If you want–or for whatever reason, need–two of something, you have to either pay for two or find a “buy one, get one free” deal. That’s life for ALL of us. We ALL have to pay extra for consuming extra. There’s no discrimination involved. When you fit in one seat but they’re making you pay for two just because you’re black or gay or female or Muslim or disabled etc., THEN come back and talk to me about discrimination. I’ll be right in there fighting with you. Until then, pay for what you use… don’t demand a free double helping and think you’re “entitled” to it. No one is.
Since there are so many comments about AIRPLANES – let me tell you a quick story. I was sitting in the aisle seat of coach a few years back. There was a guy in the window seat. A big fellow (around 350+) walked up and said, “Sorry guys but you are going to need to raise your arm rests so I can fit in that middle seat.” I said, “Nope, I’m not raising my arm rest.” I then turned to the guy in the window and said that he shouldn’t either. The fat guy said, “But I’m too fat to fit in the seat otherwise.” I said, “I’m really sorry about that, but I didn’t make you that fat – you did. And I paid for my seat – the WHOLE seat – and I don’t want to share part of it with you because of your bad choices. He said, “That’s not very nice.” I said, “And neither is you wanting to sit on my lap for the next couple of hours so the arm rest stays down.” The guy in the window raised his and the fat guy sat half-way on top of him and still hung over into my seat. I wasn’t loud or rude about it and I know it probably hurt his feelings. Maybe it hurt his feelings enough to lose weight and live longer for his family.
Yes, I did eat (drink) something accidentally. A few months ago I decided to stop drinking diet soft drinks. We were at a BBQ. I was thirsty. There was a 2 liter of diet and those tiny Dixie cups on the table. Without realizing it, I poured a cup, and was half-way through it when I caught myself and stopped.
Larry, that happens on the subway too. You’re dog-tired after a long day at work, and you face an hour’s commute to get home. You get on the subway and spot one lone seat… unfortunately it’s between two large people. But you want to sit down, and you paid to do so. So you squeeze in, and get filthy looks from them, like “don’t you see you can’t fit here? You’re making us uncomfortable by trying to!” (Um, HELLO. I am not the one who can’t fit… YOU are.) I’ve had to get up and stand because of the back, neck and shoulder pain caused by being squeezed in. I’m not discriminating against these people because I don’t like the way they look or think they should change their personal habits to suit my preferences etc. I’m just saying, why should I have to either stand or be in pain all the way home because THEY’RE overweight? Why should the personal lifestyle choices of total strangers be allowed affect my physical well-being?
I go to baseball games a lot, and can’t believe how many people can’t fit into the seats. They spread into the seats next to them (both arms and legs), and if they’re wearing shorts, you can see the angry welts on their skin caused by the armrests/bars cutting in. Then of course they sit there eating hot dogs and ice-cream/drinking soda and beer all day anyway, with their elbows invading your personal space each time they bring yet another food or beverage to their mouths because their arms are already spilling into your seat. Look, your eating habits are your business… **until they affect my ability to be comfortable or enjoy myself, and infringe upon the price I have paid for that comfort and enjoyment.** Then it becomes my business, which gives me the right to judge.
(Heh, Larry… one of your Sonata commercials came on as I was typing this!)
Every morning I get up and make my breakfast and lunch. I was one of those people you are talking about. Except, I am one of those that most do not make comments to. I, uh enter a room and make a presence!
Still does not change the fact I was FAT. At 50 I made some changes. Had the rooter check me out as a 50th birthday present and started on my regime to get my waist from a 42, well ok 44, almost to a 36. Nine months later I am almost into 38’s.
I have this tape running through my head and as I add pineapple skin, avocado seed and flesh, some hemp powder and maybe some fresh strawberries, and the tape tells me I got this way by not doing the right thing and I will fix it when I do the right thing. It has some other affirmations I have picked up. But it is in Larry Winget’s voice.
Wifey thinks I am talking to myself.
I don’t think the 350+ lbs people will fit in the Sonatas!! Oh wait….it’s not fair… maybe they should make a larger one!
Larry
Yeah, you are right. We have too much “variety” to choose from in America. Having reached my 50+ age group, I began to really take an inventory of where I am and weight is one of my issues. I hate the way I look and feel and have watched my entire family struggle with heart disease, bad knees, back issues, etc. You know them and you know who I’m talking about. Some have not just blamed it on genetics but on bone structure as well. I for one am doing myself a favor! Losing! If food portions are bigger than my fist, I cut the excess away and cover it with a napkin or have the waiter/waitress put it in a box to go BEFORE I begin to eat. It works for me, and I load up on veggies and ask them to grill them without butter. Sometimes I get that “LOOK” but, hey, I am the one that gives them that tip in the end!
Oh well….on to my biggest pet peeve! Diets of Weight Watchers or any other diets Online???? GIVE ME A BREAK! How in the world can an online diet program help? (Maybe it is easier to cheat when you aren’t attending meetings in person. No one sees you and you can also lie about your weight loss!) I rank that one up there with online dating. CHEAP THRILLS!
One thing that was not mentioned. Smoking! I hate to smell the breath of someone smoking. They don’t brush their teeth, or most do not, and when they smile…oh look out for that yellowish-greenish smile. It’s a killer! Talk about a turn off!
Picture this: Big yellow-greenish smile with a toothpick hanging out of their mouth. Spit. Oh how that turns me on! And speaking of spitting! How about those tobacco chews that spit in a coke bottle. Sometimes I wish I could just vomit in front of them to let them see what it looks like to see that juicy spitty tobacco juices. Now isn’t that a pretty picture? It gets better…blowing the nose in public with no tissues? Side sweep and done! Handshake now? I don’t think so! CLUELESS! Now that I’ve made most of you sick by my “picture of words”, we can all stop eating.
You talk about people being fat from food, killing themselves by eating. Same thing goes for smoking. And then there are the ones that quit smoking and eat to cut the cravings. It doesn’t end until people get control. Control of it all!
Ok, off my rampage for this Monday afternoon. Did I mention I hate Mondays? Don’t EVER get me started on a Monday!
Thanks for the encouragement to continue losing weight AND NOT SMOKING!
Larry,
Thanks for the wakeup call. I am a fat person — always have been. But I agree with your original post. I am fat because I let it happen. But I’m going to change that. I don’t yet know exactly how, but I am going to. Tonight I am going to my 8 year old daughter’s room and I am going to make a promise that her Mommy is going to be there to watch her grow up, get married, and have children. If that is not enough motivation for me, then I am a lost cause.
Jan,
That was a wonderful post. Best of luck to you… I’ll bet you do it, too. I am rooting for you all the way! 🙂
Jan, that is what makes things work!!!! You don’t have to know HOW – you have to know WHY. You have a WHY now and you can do it – we are all rooting for you!
Larry
Jan, You can do it!!!! One day at a time is always a good philosophy. It is pretty simple-eat less and exercise more. Larry is correct, you don’t need a how when the WHY is big enough. Try this eating plan, If man made it, don’t eat it. It works, but it won’t if you don’t. Peace and good luck-Brian
To Jan and Paula,
Way to go girls!!!!!!!!!!!!! That’s great!!!!!!!!!
Jan!
Good for you for deciding to change!
I’ll tell you what’s working for me: weighing frequently and logging workouts. It’s very motivating.
Also, breaking up the overall task into milestone goals is very helpful.
Keep working out!
-Michelle
Dear Larry,
You’re always good with your FOOD FOR THOUGHT! I suppose it goes both ways, that customers choose what type food (quality vs. quantity) and the restaurants have their target and serves accordingly.
Once experience I had impressed me even until this day of how a restaurant sets its standard and help remind its customer to “eat what and all you can, but just ENOUGH…”. The restaurant was a Japanese buffet style at very reasonable price per person. As a big Nippon cuisine fan, especially shashimi…I was in HEAVEN!!!!! The catch was, if a customer didn’t finish what s/he put on the plate, i.e. taking more than what one can chow down, the person will be charged double for the wasteful leftovers! Now, I was warned of the policy and wholeheartedly support it and enjoyed my meal. That was in the 90s while visiting Makarti, the Philippines and still in my thoughts. Since then, each time I dine at an establishment serving ‘buffet’, I do wonder why this policy is not more widespread… be it in Bangkok or New York (both places have wonderful selections of Japanese buffet)… but then again you’re right, bottomline it’s a choice, i.e. kind and portion-wise!
If you ever consider branching out to endorse establishments that serves quality over quantity (especially restaurants)…the picture that pops in my mind is your pitbull trademark donning a chef’s hat with a thumb (or paw) up, a drop of spit/saliva to indicate ‘great taste’ is optional, as your seal of approval.
If not, that’s alright. It’s just a thought that pops up. But, know this, the spunk that reeks through your blog and work is no BS…it’s REAL S… that happens and they happen to be true!
Well, you’ve heard and read the responses of how much people DO appreciate what you have and WANT to say. I agree and thank you for bringing them up…and making me laugh along while thinking about them.
So, pardon my analogy, don’t stop barking for they’re all the right trees!!!
Best regards,
Chutamanee
Choice? Fate? There is an entire product-null industry (advertising/marketing) based on pandering to desires and providing temptations. The guys who run McD’s may not eat the fries (if they’re smart), but they don’t seem to have a problem with making and selling them in gigantic sizes. It’s easy to simply conclude, “take responsibility,” turn your back, and forget the fat folks, the unemployed folks, and the others you don’t approve of. No, this is not a liberal apologia. Quite the contrary.
Larry is doing the right thing. We have been drenched in a culture of gimme-gimme, stare-at-bullshit-on-TV, listen-to-rap-crap, worship-emotional/moral-degenerates-who-can’t-sing, and sit-on-your-ass-kids-and-play-Grand-Theft-Auto. Simply saying, no, wrong, take responsibility, and then doing nothing is just a misleading way to surrender to trash and forget the fight. And it IS a fight for the soul of our civilization. We as a people need guys like Larry to kick us in OUR asses and motivate US to CONTINUE to press the cause – to demand service, to demand performance, to demand responsibility (of ourselves first), to dump the notion of a grading curve and to accept that at least some things aren’t morally relative. They are right or they are wrong.
So when talking to a fat friend, merely telling them “you need to lose weight” isn’t real helpful. Here’s a clue: They know they are fat. More helpful: “Hey, I’m worried about you.” “Your joints gotta hurt, how can I help?” “Let’s take a little walk in the sunshine.” Anybody can register disapproval. It takes commitment to seek a change. And when you see positive attitudes and positive objective changes, notice them and reward them with a kind and encouraging word. It’s not about prizes and trinkets, it’s about respect and self-worth. Fat folks have a self-concept which is in the toilet, no matter how they act.
Yeah, sure, I’m talking through my hat here. Larry, I’m the lawyer who’s written you once or twice because I keep getting lots of your books and giving them out to clueless clients. As I keep reading your stuff (and keep learning from others and from life), I hope that I keep doing better. (If I don’t, go ahead and bury me, I’m worthless.) Your work is important to me. In the last 14 months, I’ve lost 150 pounds. Whoopee, I still have some to go, OK? Not asking for praise at all, don’t need it, don’t want it, just saying that you gotta heal yourself before you can do any real good at helping others.
Pippa passes.
R
Roger,
Fat people don’t always “know they are fat,” because our society frowns upon mentioning it. To spare feelings, we are all trained to say “you’re not fat!” even when someone is. We espouse phrases like “real women have curves!” and describe overweight people as “pleasingly plump” and “healthy-looking.” We embrace “fat acceptance” and encourage the idea that “big is beautiful.” So they have this false sense of being “the normal ones,” and thinking it’s everyone else who has the problem.
I mean, a size 6 is considered “skeletal” for a woman… meanwhile, I wouldn’t be nearly that big even if I was on my way to the delivery room. And I’m 45 years old! You always hear women whining “we can’t all be a size 6!” Well, for the average woman of 5’4″, a size 6 is around 140 lbs. That is WAY too big. At least 30 lbs. too big. It’s at least full-term pregnancy weight. It’s a BMI of 24, which is on the cusp of medically overweight (and those guidelines are comically generous). Yet we’ve convinced ourselves otherwise–that a size 6 is “tiny”–because being overweight HAS become the norm. When everyone else is huge, big people look “tiny” in comparison. Sure, a size 6 is tiny… if you’re 5’10”.
Sorry to be brutal, people… but tummies are not supposed to be round or jello-like. There should be no flesh bulging over your waistband. Your thighs shouldn’t rub together. There shouldn’t be rolls or folds or flab. A muffin-top is not sexy, and nor is a Buddha-belly, so please, ladies… cover that sh*t up. Invest in a mirror. And a gym membership. And a diet.
So don’t wait for others to tell you that you’re fat, because they won’t. No matter how fat you are, they will always say “you’re not fat!” when you ask, because it’s the nice, polite thing to say. Just follow these simple rules: If your stomach sticks out further than your boobs or you look pregnant in profile, YOU’RE TOO FAT. If you sit down and there are several graduating rolls of flab from your chest to your belly, YOU’RE TOO FAT. If you have rolls on your back, YOU’RE TOO FAT. If you look like a sumo wrestler in a thong, YOU’RE TOO FAT. If you look down in the shower and can’t see your own freakin’ genitalia, YOU’RE TOO FAT.
Stop eating crap. Get some exercise. You’ll not only look better, but you’ll feel better, be healthier and live longer. And maybe the rest of us won’t have to choose between health insurance and a roof over our heads because of YOUR unhealthy habits. It’s really hard to be sympathetic when people are not only causing their own health problems, but costing YOU money with their irresponsibility. Do I advocate being rude and abusive to fat people? NO. But I also don’t advocate the smiley “fat is beautiful, too!” attitude, either. Fat is no more “beautiful” than smoking, drinking or doing drugs. They’re all completely avoidable and dangerous addictions that the human body was just not meant to endure.
Laurie, if everybody could “argue” like this – exchange conflicting views rationally, think about what the other person has to say, LEARN from each other and listen, would this be a great country or what?
Re do fat people know that they are fat? Yeah, I really think that they do — but you’re right, they/WE keep listening to their/our own bullshit excuses and those furnished by (1) misguided yet loving friends/family, (2) strange “gimme my rights” groups, e.g., “National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance” (no kidding, there is such a thing), and (3) the sell-the-calories and sell-sit-on-your-ass-amusements as things that we “deserve.”
Your point about us paying for others’ bad health choices is absolutely correct, and applies to obesity, smoking, motorcycle helmets, drug use, booze, and other miscellaneous things.
Sizes? Hey, let me tell you, the experience of buying stuff off the rack is a real kick.
The older I get, the dumber I feel.
Pippa passes.
R
We all have our prejudices and mine would have to be integrity and accountability. Both of which feed, shouldn’t use that word given the nature of your post, into fat, fat, fat and stupid. It all ties back to being honest with yourself and people are not likely to do that because it’s too hard. There is no place to run when you look at the mirror and admit that you are the lazy, stupid person that has put you in the place you are. I posted a blog not so long ago about how the mirror can’t change you. It only reflects what it sees. And that is where my other prejudice comes into play. Why won’t people just say, “I failed to…”? If people would just say I instead of they or them then they would begin the process of taking ownership, become smarter and fix the fat, or the lazy or the un-employed status of their lives.
I do agree with Larry about not liking fat. I hate it with a passion.
Yet fat people DO NOT need to be reminded of it. Trust me, they know. But our high schools still make the healthier salads several bucks more than the fries. Folks would tell me to just stop eating as much – I listened – ate only one meal per day – and ended up gaining more than I had to lose in the first place. This made no sense to me.
As Wayne Dyer puts it – what you focus your mind on expands. As long as fat people are forced to focus on nothing but their weight problem – which is likely one of the most depressing things in their lives – they will just keep gaining when they want and need to be losing. Stop looking in the mirror so damn much. Obesity is an emotional and an economic issue with a health problem as the side effect.
Once I stopped focusing on my weight – I started to lose weight. I made a few minor adjustments to my eating habits. Eating more meals per day – smaller meals – healthier food – increase in proteins – decrease in carbs. Now I’ve moved my largest meal to earlier in the day – that way I can burn it off the rest of the day. Having a more active lifestyle and doing everything and anything to keep my mind off of my weight problem.
At this point, my only enemy is depression. I had lost 35 pounds earlier this year – but due to a very emotionally damaging issue unrelated to my weight problem – I literally lost my apatite completely. I did not even want to look at or think about food at all – this is how depressed I was. I literally had to force myself to eat anything at all. In the final analysis I ended up regaining everything I lost plus a few extra pounds to boot. As a matter of fact – if the problem that caused my depression in the first place had turned out differently – I would have lost a lot more than just 35 pounds by now. Being constantly insulted and reminded about our weight adds to the depression.
The only thing that pisses me off the most is skinny people who have never had to lose a lot of weight acting like they know the best course of action to take. I hate being fat but I’ll be damned if I’ll become anorexic to make others happy. I do take action to lose weight every single day of my life. If I thought it would work, I’d wave a magic wand and I’d be the size I want to be. But I live in the real world and it’s not always pretty and I don’t always feel like eating – this is my problem and my responsibility. So I keep at it every single day.
Just thought I’d add a different perspective.
g
Another tactic I’ve added lately to lose weight: Noticing which restaurants have mostly healthy weight people as customers and avoiding ones where most of the customers are fat.
g
Gigi, you seem to see things in black and white. But there’s a big grey area between fat and skinny, obese and anorexic. It’s healthy to live in that grey area. Don’t be so extreme… no one is asking or expecting you to “become anorexic.” And it has nothing to do with “making others happy.” I generally couldn’t care less what size you are… unless it affects me. Obesity affects more than just the obese person. It makes the lives of those around them more expensive and uncomfortable. That’s when it becomes our business. Your personal choices should never adversely affect someone else’s ability to choose, or else you have to accept their right to judge. I may feel that my choice to blast music in my apartment after midnight is my own personal business, but the people being kept awake by it have every right to voice their opinion of that choice. That’s “living in the real world.”
Also, don’t assume that everyone who is not overweight now has NEVER had a weight problem… any more than you should assume that every non-smoker has never smoked. It might make you feel better to tell yourself that people who are a healthy weight have just never been there and so have no basis for their advice (therefore you shouldn’t bother to follow it), but it’s not necessarily true. Some of us “skinny” people know more than you think about the best course of action. Many, if not most, of us have been there at one time or another.
Eating one meal a day will not help you lose weight if the meal is, say, a big helping of cheesy lasagna with meat sauce with a salad slathered in blue cheese dressing with bread and butter… and then you just collapse on the couch after eating it. You will easily gain weight on one meal a day if the meal contains more calories than you burn off, and a ton of saturated fat. Then of course there’s the cholesterol…
As a vegetarian and healthy eater, I know all too well that healthy food is more expensive and harder to find than crap when you’re out and about. Which is why I don’t rely on restaurants, fast food joints and prepackaged meals. It’s much cheaper and healthier to cook from scratch, and to just *not go to McDonald’s* when you’re hungry. Given the choice between fries and nothing, I will choose nothing–no matter how good I know the fries will taste. I will either bring something healthy from home, make an effort to find something healthy, or make something healthy when I get home… I don’t remember being forced to either purchase bad food in the high school cafeteria or starve. Kids can bring their own healthy lunch. If you know something’s bad for you, DON’T EAT IT. Don’t act like you don’t have a choice but to eat it. That’s a cop-out. I’d eat pizza three times a day if I could. But I know it’s beyond unhealthy, so I just stay away from it completely. Willpower and self-control go a long way. We are all capable of it.
Congratulations on losing 35 lbs. That is very admirable, and I’m sure it was not easy to do But please don’t let excuses and exaggerations stop you from losing more if you need to. Don’t say “I won’t be anorexic to please people,” because no one wants or expects *anorexia.* Just healthy eating in moderation, regular exercise, and a BMI within the “healthy/normal” range. There is no “magic wand” for any of us. Losing weight and maintaining that weight takes time and effort, whether you’re a size 2 or not. But it’s worth it… for not only your appearance, but your health, emotional well-being and quality of life. Good luck.
See, this is EXACTLY what I mean… a commenter on a blog post (on a major news outlet) about a new TV show:
“What I noticed is how thin Annie and Silver were. They need to take some time to sit down, and enjoy a sandwich or two! It was too distracting watching them try to walk on stick legs.”
If the girls were overweight, would you have called attention to it and commented that food should be denied them? Would you have said it was “distracting” to watch them because of their size? NO. But if you had, everyone would have jumped down your throat about how rude you were. That kind of comment is considered socially acceptable when it’s said about slim people, and everyone rushes to agree with it (misery loves company, I guess). Slim people are fair game for public insult. There were overweight women on the show too, but I would not dream of commenting “Geez, all I noticed was [character name]’s fat legs and flabby belly! It was so distracting watching her try to lumber along on those tree trunks. Switch to a celery and water diet and get thee to a gym, missy!” If I had, I would have been met with a firestorm of righteous indignation. And rightly so.
I have no doubt the commenter is overweight herself, and publicly attacking slim people as “abnormal” makes her feel better about what she sees in the mirror. We all have our private issues with regard to our own shortcomings, but acting as if those shortcomings are actually normal and preferable, and insulting people who don’t share them, is not the way to deal with your issues.
I was not even talking about becoming anorexic. That was never even on my mind. What I was trying to point out is this. Two members of my family – who happen to be the healthy weight members are the two who kept saying that to lose weight I just had to stop eating as much as I was. I was a kid at the time – and had to eat what my family made for dinner – or else eat nothing. Those members of the family who tended to gain weight, did so. Those who were healthy weight, did not. We ate the same food at dinner.
Add to this, the constant weekly insults from the healthy weight members towards the overweight members of the family. Not to mention insults from classmates in school. If you have ever been overweight then you know exactly what I am talking about. This is why I respect Larry because I’ve read his books and I know where he’s coming from – a very similar background to mine. I do not see his words to be insulting at all. But I do not know you – Laurie – and so cannot say one way or the other what your own personal experiences are with weight loss issues. And I was not directing my comments towards you specifically – but to Larry and those who are reading these comments.
Your comment to Roger claiming that “fat people don’t know they are fat” is a sure sign that you do NOT have this experience. If you were ever “fat” you would NEVER be able to say those words. Yes, fat people know damn well they are fat. To believe otherwise is so absurd to be ridiculous. If they thought they were not fat – they would try to buy size 2 clothes.
What they need is the right information – in order to make the most informed decisions about losing the weight. It wasn’t until I took a biology class in college that I found out WHY I gained when I logically believed I should have been losing. By eating only one meal per day – my body automatically went into survival mode. This caused me to store every ounce of food I put into it – no matter how healthy – as fat. Like a camel storing water in its hump so that it can survive in the desert. I made some adjustments and lost weight.
As for the insults. When they come from people who do not know me – I just ignore them. They do not affect me in any way. When they come from close members of my family who love me but have never been in my situation – yet give advice with their insults – it has a bad emotional impact. And when it comes from folks who say things like you did above – I actually get fed up and really angry and feel the need to inform both you and anyone else about reality.
I do not sleep 10 hours a day – I am actually an adult with a very active lifestyle. I now eat several meals per day and am actually losing weight instead of gaining. I eat only when I am actually hungry and eat healthier when I do. Most of my day is spent outside my home – and so eating out is necessary. I do avoid McDonalds and other fast food places most of the time. I eat more protein and less carbs and I stay active. I typically have lean meats, salad, and fruit around the house to eat when I am home.
This part is for Laurie and folks like her: I am not going to crawl into a hole and die just to make folks like you feel better. Neither am I going to become a hermit in my own home – just to please you. I do not exist for you – I exist for me. My weight issues are mine and unless you have some helpful and informed advice that can help me and folks like me then leave me/us to it. We prefer the advice of folks who’ve been through it and those who can give helpful information that actually works.
g
There are a number of reasons why fat people stay fat. Depression, as Gigi mentions is a big one, and unfortunately, antidepressives can make you gain some weight. My reason is protection. I don’t get bothered when I’m fat. I lose 20 pounds and they start bothering again.
Larry, great email yet again. The sad fact with these lazy utterly immobile people is that they are pretty much screw** in most common accidents i.e. Fires, small car accidents, subsizing their insulin after eating themselves into diabeties. There is an expectation by these people that they really don’t have to fend for themselves in this world, that society will come running to their rescue during these events.
I have some recommendations for you all, for reading and learning about nutrition.
Blogs, these are my favorite daily blogs about how to eat;
Art Devaney
IF Life
Robb Wolf
Books, these are currently the best books on eating;
The Omnivours Dilemma, by Michael Pollan. Basically explains how the beef and corn industries form your view of what a proper meal should be.
Gary Taubes, Good Calories, Bad Calories. It boils down to this, all the current gov’t and media information on diet is completely wrong, driven primarily by the food industry.
Performance Menu
The Paleo Diet, Cordain.
And for exercise, Crossfit, Starting Strength, and Performance Menu.
Good luck