I believe we are a fear-based society in pretty much every way. Christian’s live their lives in fear of God’s wrath. Most live their lives in constant fear of doing something that will send them to Hell. Business men and women run their businesses based on the fear of going out of business. Fear of being broke is what makes some people rich. People buy insurance out of fear. Parents raise their kids out of fear of them ending up in trouble. Fear of being fat is the reason people exercise. Fear of smelling bad is the reason people bathe. People start to smoke for fear of not fitting in and they stop smoking for fear of dying. Fear of not fitting in is the reason people buy the latest fashions. Fear of looking old is the reason entire industries exist. It’s the reason people get face-lifts, botox, tummy tucks and more. Fear of dying is the reason some people never really live. People are afraid of being honest for fear of offending someone. Fear of not being the best paralyzes some people into never acting at all. Fear of not being liked is the major reason most people bother to be nice. Fear of getting fired is the reason most people bother to work while at work. Fear of being late is the reason people wear a watch. Fear is the major motivator for all of the action that takes place in the world. We do almost all we do out of fear of not doing it. Fear of a pig farm opening up in the middle of your neighborhood is the reason your town has zoning laws. The list is endless and I could easily go on and on but I’ll stop my list here. Bottom line: People say “Money makes the world go around.” They are wrong. Fear makes the world go around.
Solution? There isn’t one. In fact, it’s not a problem that even needs to be solved. That’s just the way it works. For me, that’s a good thing because I like the way it works. And that’s because I understand that fear is THE motivator. I’m good with it because I get it. I always think it is important to understand how things work and be honest about it and not try to fool yourself about how anything works. And this is a simple concept that I completely grasp and am totally comfortable with and accepting of.
Besides, we need for it to be this way. That’s right, we need fear. Imagine the mess we would be in if people were afraid of nothing; if they knew they could get away with anything with no fear of retribution. Think of the real fear we would all live in if folks weren’t afraid that something would happen to them as a result of their bad behavior. Fear is a good thing. Embrace the fear!
That’s why I take issue with the motivational bozos telling others to be fearless. I believe we should tell people to be afraid. In fact, be very afraid. Fear works!
Don’t kid yourself about why you do what you do; you are afraid of what will happen if you don’t do it. Don’t kid yourself about why others do what they do, like you, they are afraid of what will happen from not doing it. Understanding this simple concept will make you a better salesperson, a better leader/manager, a better parent and a better spouse and better friend. It will make you a better citizen and a better voter. Understanding that fear is the key motivator to all human behavior will make you a better person.
Don’t agree? Why not? What is it about my point that you’re afraid of?
Larry,
I like what you say about fear. I agree. It is the motivator for much of my behavior. Could you expand on this and provide some insight on how to not let fear go beyond its useful purpose. In other words, me and probably alot of other folks, let fear negatively impact us to the point of inaction, at times.
thanks,
John
No one is afraid of getting old,
they’re only afraid of getting ugly !
Larry. You are my hero! I had a chance meeting with you a couple of years ago in las vegas in the elevator of the Paris hotel ! You were giving a speech not gambling !!! ( I did ask you !) anyway I love your books and have learned so much from you. Keep it up. Sue Sebastian. P.s. I miss your old tv show on a&e do you have plans for anything else on tv?
Right on. THE biggest motivator in the world. And it is, for me, especially important for people to recognize when fear is being used in advertising. Don’t let a salesman convince you that your house will burn down/your face will break out/your spouse will leave you/(fill in the blank) if you don’t buy their product. And when anyone tells me that this is a special offer that ends THIS WEEK, they loose my business. If it’s so special, then it will be just as good on Monday.
Great point to be made and spread around, Larry.
Your point that fear is the primary motivation in life is one dimensional…and fear based. Those who prefer a life of comfort and safety because they fear looking foolish by sticking their neck’s out are empty inside. Having the cajones to live life on your own terms does not preclude fear, but it takes courage. Courage is taking action in the presence of fear. The thing to aspire to is not fearlessness, but courageness
Tell it, Brotha Larry! I’ve been immobilized by fear. I walked away from an unhealthy relationship, where at one time I thought I had it all. I lived and worked with (for?) my now ex. But things turned dangerous, and I walked. To this day, I will NEVER say I walked away with nothing, because I am here, able to write and talk about it. But recently my self-esteem’s taken a hit, as I’ve been turned down for jobs at fast food joints! Hmph, the noive of them! I’ve gone through all that “taking responsibility for my past actions” stuff. I want, I NEED to work! But there’s no way I’m getting a reference from the ex, no way he’s even being mentioned on my resume! My fear is that because I can’t verify my several years of working w/the ex, that leaves a large gap in my work history. How do I become unstuck? Pity party over!
If you want to see what somebody or business does without fear, all you need to do is look at the banks and what happened. They are backed up with our dollars.
Fear does amazing things. Lack of fear does terrible things. Society does not operate without fear.
John, many have written about the paralyzing aspects of fear and an effective treatment of that topic would require more than a blog will allow. More like a chapter in a book. Just know that when your priorities are clearly defined, meaning that they matter to you more than anything else, you will act to make sure you do what it takes, in spite of any fears.
Ned, thanks for making my point. It IS one-dimensional and that’s why it is so easy to understand. And “fear-based” IS my point. And I pretty much explained the “feel the fear and do it anyway” point.
Sue, working on some new television opportunities now. Stay tuned!
Dee, Many people have “gaps” in their resume. Better to just explain that it was a family owned business and a recommendation from family probably has no relevance any way. List the employment but do not offer contact phone numbers.
I take issue with only one point here Larry…fear is neither the motivator or the basis of society. For most, fear is just the justification we use to sell ourselves on either taking an action or not acting. Fear is an excuse.
I disagree with you, Larry. I also don’t like the way in which you assume that, because somebody disagrees with you, they are afraid of something. It feels as if you are trying to intimidate anyone who disagrees with you into submission.
I agree that fear is a good motivator, when it is an emergency. When you are in the navy, for example, and your ship or submarine starts making water, you do something about it out of fear of drowning. Fear motivating someone in an emergency makes perfect sense to me.
But for someone to live their life, day in, day out, being driven by fear, is simply unsustainable in the long run. I don’t think it is healthy and there is evidence that it leads to heart attacks and nervous breakdowns. Not the sort of thing I think any of us wants, I’m sure. So what do I personally think motivates people under normal conditions?
Love is the answer. That is what I believe. I believe that it is love of something which draws you to it and makes you put everything you’ve got into it. You bring your children up properly, because you love them, you want them to behave well and get the best out of life. Fear of being fat is the reason people exercise? Or love of a nice sixpack perhaps? Or love of attracting a gorgeous sexual partner? 🙂
Sensible people run their businesses, because they love doing what they do and, if they don’t, is it not the case that they shouldn’t do it? Isn’t that what you say in your book “Shut Up, Stop Whining and Get A Life”, Larry? You say – and I am quoting your words here – on p.68 “Your job. Do you enjoy your job? If not, then quit.”
I was half-expecting you to mention love of things here, Larry, and I must say that your failure to do so greatly disappoints me. What you say here seems to contradict what you say in your book and, to be frank, I am seriously starting to question your credibility.
So you can keep your fear, if you really want to, Larry – that’s up to you to decide…..
I personally am going to do my best to live my life based on what I love and to spread love to others, whenever I can. And if I can’t spread love to some people? I’ll just move on to the next person…..
I think fear is precisely what does NOT make the world go around. I think it is fear that causes problems in the world. It is love – I believe – that can make the world function much, much better. 🙂
Christian’s live their lives in fear of God’s wrath. Most live their lives in constant fear of doing something that will send them to Hell.
If that’s the case then they are not good Christian’s. Just saying 10 pretty easy steps a statement and in some cases a splash or dunk in water. Yes fear is a part of life if you allow it. Yes fear will motivate for a minute, but You are what you think and with fear it is a negitive thought process. I will say on a hill top with a bear after me I will imbrace the fear, but in everyday life it is a waste!
Dig your stuff Larry, you have been a great resource!
Christopher – loving others and practicing love does not mean that you can’t understand that fear is the motivator by which people act. So it doesn’t contradict my point your point at all. And you haven’t contradicted my point with your argument. And Christopher, if my writing this simple little blog makes you question my credibility…… I didn’t have much to begin with. Besides, I constantly question everyone and everything, including myself, so I am not “afraid” of you questioning me. Here is all that matters: Did this blog make you think about your beliefs? It appears it did. Then I have completely succeeded. That has always been my number one goal: to get people to think. I honestly don’t care what you or anyone else believes as long as what you believe works for you giving you results you want.
And as for the “I don’t like the way in which you assume that, because somebody disagrees with you, they are afraid of something.” Have you ever heard of making a provocative statement in order to get conversation started? Don’t look for a fight where there isn’t one.
Tom, never said that fear was the basis of society. Said we were a fear-based society. Big difference. And I believe fear is more than an excuse, it is the causal factor in all we do.
I agree with it all larry. Ever heard of yin and yang? You can’t have courage without first having fear. They are both required. We Americans just associate that fear feels painful so it must be a negative thing. I believe more people are motivated by avoiding pain, than seeking pleasure. Like you mentioned, people have become super rich only because it is to painful to be poor. FEAR indeed motivates!! Thanks again Larry!
I agree – fear and shame are great tools for keeping us in line – as long as they are not overwhelming.
Larry,
You leave out and what most miss.
Fear=reverential awe, especially toward god. (dictionary.com)
We often live our lives out of the false definition of fear as it relates to having a relationship with our creator. Were we to be living in truth and grounded in that “fear”/love relationship, perhaps our lives would not be so controlled by the unhealthy excess of fear beyond its intended good. Christian’s included.
I wish I would not have read this. This concept is so one dimensional and it negates the fact that fear stops people from living the life they want.
Teresa, then wouldn’t your way of thinking then be one dimensional? I’m glad you read it – I don’t care if you hate it – it caused you to think didn’t it? Then it’s a good thing.
You know, this same thought I’d sometime back… I think you are right. In fact, in my own analysis, I’d gone a step further and concluded that fear is the major factor that defines our character which in turn forms habit and hence our personality.
Some claims love – which some claims is the absence of fear – is the fundamental concept that forms our character, but I think fear is more fundamental. The motivation behind most things we do can be traced in one way or the other to a certain fear (or absence of it).
Okay folks, I am tired of the ridiculous “one dimensional” argument. Do you not understand that when you exclude my opinion on this topic that it is YOUR opinion that becomes one dimensional? I am not excluding your way of thinking or that would indeed be one dimensional of me wouldn’t it? My argument here ADDS dimension, it doesn’t take it away.
Hi Larry;
I would subscribe to the point of view that there are 2 primary motivators, pleasure and pain. I believe that every decision is based on either the desire for pleasure, and/or the avoidance of pain. Fear is another waying of saying ‘pain’ I suppose, but you cannot ignore the positive motivating factor of pleasure. People don’t eat chocolate because they are afraid not to, the eat chocolate because it gives them pleasure.
I definately have to agree with this article – for the fear of Larry virtually punching me in the nose:)
The fact is that I had this brilliant eureka moment when the swine flue “pandemonium” came out. (it took me 38 years to reach that conclusion) I realized that if money is what makes the world go round, than fear is the fuel!… and once you aknowledge this, life will be alot easier – and less dissapointing.
Well said Larry. I also want to add to what Teresa said:
“I wish I would not have read this. This concept is so one dimensional and it negates the fact that fear stops people from living the life they want.”
Most are stopped by fear because they are afraid of the unknown. The less than stellar life they currently live is painful, but at least they know how to function in it. If they push through their fear and move toward what they really want, there lies another unknown: “Do I have the character to handle this new personal success?”
So if you think about simple math: Which would you choose?
1. Two possibly painful unknowns of working toward something you yearn for. A) The actual unknown part and B) unsure if you have the character to handle achieving your dreams.
or
2. Sitting around living in the past, complaining about the present, and getting a pity party from your so called friends who are just as scared as you are!! The big kicker here is that this may be painful, but it’s familiar and you own it.
Familiar pain trumps unknown pain every single time!!
Be good
Gerry
Larry, I don’t regard what I did as attempting to “contradict your point”. I was offering my perception of things. Your perception of things is quite obviously very different and what I was trying to say before (but, obviously, I didn’t make myself clear) was that you can have your perception, if you wish. Those are your thoughts and feelings, Larry. You own them; not me. And far be it from anyone to take away your thoughts and feelings – or mine. That is freedom of speech and thought, which we are entitled to, when we live in a liberal democracy.
I think it is good that you question things, but what I would advise is not questioning things so much that you come across as having conflicting standards. That might cause people to doubt your credibility.
I am just very surprised by this, because, in your book, “Shut Up, Stop Whining and Get A Life”, you never seemed to mention fear as the prime motivator – unless I misread it and missed that part…..!. (Of course, if I did misread it and miss that part, please feel free to point me in the direction of where it says that in your book, and I shall go back and read it all thoroughly again.) Still, if that is what you believe, I can respect that, although I have the right to disagree and I do think it is sad that you think in this way.
This did make me think about my beliefs, but I am afraid that they remain exactly as they were before, Larry. Nevertheless, if that is what you were intending to get me to do, then you have indeed succeeded. 🙂
You say you don’t care about my beliefs. I don’t believe that, because you are responding to them, so you are clearly engaging with them on some level.
I would not say that I don’t care what your beliefs are, Larry. I would simply say that I don’t mind and, indeed, as I say, I have no right to mind, because we are living in liberal democracies, where everybody is entitled to their own beliefs. So whilst I may disagree with you, Larry, I thoroughly support your right to disagree with me – if that makes sense. 🙂
As to your belief that I am looking for a fight where there isn’t one, what gives you that impression? I simply said that I didn’t like something. What is wrong with that?
Christopher, Shut Up, Stop Whining and Get A Life was written 9 years ago and certainly doesn’t cover all that I believe. I have written 5 books since then plus a complete rewrite of the Shut Up book that will be released next month. So just because it wasn’t in the book 9 years ago doesn’t mean I didn’t believe it then, it just didn’t comme up then and I didn’t talk about it. People also grow and their beliefs develop and change over time and an author writes what is on his mind at that moment.
When I say I don’t care what you believe I am saying that your beliefs are up to you and your choice. You have to live with your choices, not me. Try not to take every word so literally but instead read the intent of the statement.
All the best.
Fear keeps us safe… People raise their level of awareness ten fold because of fear… It prevents you from going down a dark alley at night or from going into a burning building to retrieve something meaningless. It makes you think twice about driving the limit your speedometer can point to.
Fear is the ultimate motivator… A professional team greatly raises their level of play against a team they fear. And we certainly don’t do our taxes cuz we love the experience.
I was in advertising for years and fear based selling far outperforms positive ads. Have you seen some of those tv commercials trying to scare the crap out of people from smoking? Photos of bleeding organs and guys with pipes in their throats is not anybody’s idea of “positive” reinforcement.
Larry’s not saying to live in fear or be a fearful person, he’s saying that fear is a helpful human attribute and acknowledging it is okay. In fact, acknowledging it is what will often save you from the depths of pain & stupidity.
Rock on, Larry, great thought provoking stuff as always.
– Tommy Z.
The Social Cromag
Larry,
Thanks for the “inspite of fear” advice. I am discovering that to be the case. Perhaps much of my problem has been not knowing or understanding what is truly important to me. I need to settle on those core things and stand in spite of the fear which creeps in along the way.
Enjoy…
Ok Larry is it possible to be too hard on people?
I have a leaning disability (according to our government) I had my son in the middle of my senior year of high school. I went on to get my high school degree and my bachelor’s degree. I worked my way up from cutting grass and cleaning toilets to being the COO of a construction business. I’m also one of the few women in the State of Alabama that holds a license as a HVAC Contractor. I pay my mortgage, clean my house, cut my grass, take care of my cars and raise my son by myself. I don’t receive child support or every other weekend off and I’m good with that!
I did not say all that to toot my horn! I think if I can do it anyone can. I don’t cut people slack for being lazy. That is were I have a problem. Lots of people tell me I’m too hard on people. Somehow I’m the bad guy because I expect a lot out of myself and others. So is it possible to be too hard on people and have too high of standers? If not how do you deal with it? If so how do you deal with it?
Sweet home Alabama
Chisholm. Yes. I am guilty at times myself. There are high expectations and there are unreasonable expectations and sometimes it is a fine line. I find myself holding others to a level that they are simply not equipped to handle, even though I am perfectly equipped to handle it. Because I can, I think everybody should be able to. That’s unreasonable. You should hold people accountable to their highest level of performance, not your own.
Dear Larry,
In response to your comment. You were right, I am glad I read ” Fear Makes The World Go Around.” I just don’t agree with it. I think this is a good thing because I am thinking and not just absorbing. Recently, I have read all of your books. I enjoyed all of them and they made me really think about my situation.I realized that I blamed everyone else but myself, I was lazy, and I acted like a victim. However, I also realized that I am fearful of many things and this fear keeps me from enjoying life and from living a better life.
P.S. The information in the books have really changed my perspective on my life choices. I Just wanted to say thank you. I really had no clue as to how big of an idiot I was.
sincerely,
Teresa
Dear Larry,
Well said.
Fear lies behind every war ever conducted, every disagreement, every screaming match, and every broken promise.
It’s also, if you’re lucky, the thing that runs up and down your spine when you’re old enough to realize that you are going to DIE. There’s only one way out, and we all get to go through that door. Believe what you want about where you’ll end up, but it’s still the same door for everybody.
Fear can motivate me to change, and it doesn’t have to be the basis for the way I choose to live. In my case, I was broke about 18 months ago. I mean, less than $200 in my bank account broke. 52 and no retirement left… and the fear of the unknown future is what snapped me back into positive action. It’s amazing what a little faith and a lot of motivation can do for you.
(Yup, read your books, too. They helped.)
I choose to keep myself in good physical condition at 54 because I want to minimize whatever decrepitude I’ll face at life’s end (yeah, fear is right there). Fear is an excellent teacher, and it’s the joy of living I discovered on the other side of fear that keeps me moving forward towards a much better life.
All I have is the power to choose and the integrity to eat the plate of consequences that gets served up. Even my power to choose can be taken away by Alzheimer’s or a random accident. Uh oh, there’s that fear thing again.
So: I’ll add to your statement. Fear makes the world go round, and the joy and relief you get from taking action worth doing keeps it from spinning off the axis.
Onward!
Mike
@ Larry: People say “Money makes the world go around.” They are wrong. Fear makes the world go around.
What if money is the visible expression of fear?
@ Larry: That’s right, we need fear. Imagine the mess we would be in if people were afraid of nothing;think of the real fear we would all live in if folks weren’t afraid that something would happen to them as a result of their bad behaviour.
Your analysis sound pretty accurate. I think the riots in Great Britain have been giving a good example of what this will look like, but I also think, it is not a very productive point of view. It is exactly this idea of needing fear to control people that makes it all so difficult. What if fear is the main reason for why there is bad behaviour in the first place?
And fear exists because there is a concept of good and bad that is dumped on children. This concept creates both, the bad and the fear of it and the fear of those who have adopted the concept of bad (somebody after all has to play this role if we believe in bad, no?) for themselves, of punishment. Why are we expecting bad in the first place?
If you operate on fear, you have to also see that a lot of good stuff is not happening out of fear because fear is a sticky energy that hits everyone, not only the “bad ones”. What is stopping parents from disciplining their children, as you demand? Fear of conflict. What is stopping people from applying for a job? Fear of rejection. What is stopping people from caring for others? Fear of being ridiculed or been taken advantage of. Fear doesn’t work, never did.
A society based on fear normally has two choices to get out of fear (a debilitating feeling if experienced constantly): apathy or anger (isn’t that where the US is heading towards?). Anger is actually an energy directed towards more life, towards change. Instead of labelling it bad, it would be much better to find constructive outlets for it.
So, what else is possible?
Lots of people are paralyzed by fear. That’s why people live lives they don’t enjoy and do things they don’t want to do. The main point of knowing your values and doing what is important to you despite the fear is what we all need to do. You only have one life to live. Live it in the best way you can. Doing what scares you and getting out of your comfort zone and doing what’s necessary and right is a good place to start.