Have you ever messed up? Of course you have. I have. We all have. It’s what people do. Many will tell you that the key is to stop messing up. That can’t be done. The key is what you do after you mess up. I like how my son, Tyler, put it to me many years ago. It’s a quote I have used in many of my books: “When you mess up, big deal. Just admit it, fix it and move on. Other than that, life’s a party.” He was absolutely correct in his advice. But sadly, most people don’t move on. They either don’t know how or choose not to. They stay stuck in the mess they caused, reliving it and wallowing in it. Some even drag others into it. They find themselves unable to move forward. They feel guilty for what they’ve done and the guilt has immobilized them. This serves no one.
So let me make a statement that many are going to want to pick to pieces and argue with me over: Guilt serves no purpose and is a total waste of time. The reason that statement bothers people is that so many are madly in love with their guilt. Guilt brings them comfort. It’s has become their best friend. Some cling to guilt like a security blanket. They wake up covered in guilt and hang on to it all day long until they cuddle up with it again at night to go to sleep. For others, it is the purpose for their existence. In fact, whole cultures and religions are built on guilt. Some folks call guilt a motivator. I don’t buy that. I see guilt primarily as a demotivator. If fact, I can hear every argument that you are going to offer up to me to refute my statement that guilt serves no purpose. Please save them. I stand by my statement: guilt serves no purpose. Give it up.
I know you feel bad about messing up. Good. Genuine remorse is always an excellent thing to feel. Remorse shows that you own your mistake and take responsibility for it. You made a mistake, you realize it, and you feel bad about it. All good signs. Now what are you going to do about it? Action is the answer, not wallowing. Not being stuck. Not lying around beating yourself up or crying with self-pity. Not being paralyzed by guilt. Instead; action. So get busy. If you need to make restitution, do it. If you need to apologize, then do that too. Quickly do what it takes to make the situation as right as it can be. Not everything can be fixed, but don’t let that stop you from trying. Take responsibility and put in the effort to do all you can. If the injured party forgives you for your mistake, be thankful and move on, never to mention it again. If you are not forgiven, move on anyway. After all, you have offered the apology, made restitution and done everything you can to fix it. That’s about all you can do and now the ball is in their court. You have done what you can and it’s time for you to move on. At this point, the only thing left to do is to forgive yourself, which is usually the hardest part of the process, then learn from the experience and commit to do better next time.
Remember: The past is just that: passed. Gone. Done. Slipped away. Behind you. Over. Kaput! Not to be repeated. Learn from it and let it go.
Hope this helps! If you know someone who could benefit from this article or from my other blog postings, please be sure to share. There are plenty of share buttons so click a few of them!
Thanks Larry. I needed this today.
Larry you are just dead on…as usual. I am in the fitness industry and it is is
right on for any business. Worrying about the past is like trying to change yesterday’s weather Keep it up…. You are THE MAN!
You are indeed a wise man Larry, to me you are the modern day Baltasar Gracián, telling things the way they are, not they way people want it to be.
Thanks, Larry. Rationally, we know this, but it’s easy to lose sight of it. By the way, scripture tells us the same thing!
As always, a dead-on shot between the eyes for me, Larry. I made some decisions a few months ago which caused some. A bunch of crap, in reality. Since my introduction to your stuff, I’ve officially reduced myself to ‘part-time’ idiot. Getting there!
My Great Aunt would tell me and my brothers and sisters something along the same line when we were growing up, “Pouting is a waste of time”. I repeated it to my children as they grew up and I hope they repeat it to their children when they have them. Smart woman.
Well written article. But guilt does serve a purpose and you exposed that purpose in your piece. Guilt produces the act of restitution in an elevated conscious.
Some don’t understand the difference between right and wrong. They suffer no guilt.
The whole point of guilt as you have shed light on, is to DO SOMETHING, move on, but DO SOMETHING about the wrong you have committed.
Moving on from a wrong committed without any effort toward making amends produces irresponsible sociopaths.
Larry I just discovered you I am just an ordinary joe soap who at 48 is an alcoholic and a 3 pack a day smoker in the midst of a divorce with 4 kids I’LLlet you know how I get on following your ideas!
Thank you a lot Mr. Winget. This blog has helped. me for the day.
Of course it helps and thank you for the great reminder!
Thanks!
We only mess up so we could learn how to forgive! 😉
Dear Sir Larry Winget,
Thank you for being so honest and frank about everything, you are an inspiration to me.
There are so many things in the world that I need to learn about personal success in order to achieve it. I read many books about personal development, personal success because I really want to be a successful person both personally and professionally.
to me you are like a severe parent that I never had but I always needed, the person who opens eyes and mind.
thank you!!!
You gotta love Larry!