- Keep things in perspective. Remember that sometimes you are a jerk too!
- You can’t change the way other people are; you can only change the way you respond to them. So why drive yourself crazy trying to fix a jerk that doesn’t want to be fixed or doesn’t know they need to be fixed? You aren’t going to be able to any way so save yourself the frustration!
- Know that it’s rarely personal. Jerks don’t single you out to be a jerk to, it’s just who they are and has little to do with anyone else.
- Forgive them. Most of them have had years of training at being a jerk and it’s hard for them to be anything else.
- Be more understanding. Good people can have bad days.
- Don’t give a jerk the power to ruin your day – they’re jerks, remember? Don’t reduce yourself to their level.
- Be nice to them. Jerks hate that! Seriously, if you want to drive a jerk totally crazy, try being nice. Bonus: you might just shock them into better behavior.
- Know that most people aren’t really jerks; they just act in jerky ways. Deep down, I think most people are good folks but work really hard covering it up.
- If you have had it with them and are unwilling to put up their jerky ways, avoid the jerk as best you can. Divorce them, stop seeing them, stop calling them or going out with them. I’m amazed at people who willingly hang around jerks not realizing that it’s a choice.
- If you are going to attack, attack the behavior, not the person.
This excerpt is from my New York Times bestseller, People Are Idiots And I Can Prove It. In paperback, it’s called The Idiot Factor. To order your hardback, autographed copy go to www.larrywinget.com.
I tend to live by #7. I have found that to be an almost universal truth with jerks; they really do hate it – they don’t have any capacity to handle people being nice to them. It’s completely foriegn to them. And once they’re off balance from it, it’s much easier to handle them.
How to handle a Jerk who is senior to you in your office… I can’t explain my feelings in words but still a guy is my manager and he is a big Jerk… please help me handle him.
Larry — I laughed out loud when I got to #7.
Every now and then I will come across somebody traveling the same road I am on who seems to labor under the idea that their vehicle is a battering ram and that their snarling face is going to induce me to scurry out of their apparently very important way.
I found a long time ago that instead of returning their anger and irritation that blowing them a kiss startles them into either involuntary laughter or a stunned look. Either way it is fun and I don’t allow them to affect my mood.
Yep, I have been learning this for awhile now. I went to speak to a professor the other day and he yelled at me in front of the whole class.
I camly answered him back instead of getting all angry and defensive and he changed his tone and agreed to approve what I was asking for.
I have noticed that when a jerk or crazy person is yelling at your or being crazy to you. Remaining calm and not getting all emotional makes them look even crazier and they then can see their behavior better and to everyone else.
AJ – I wrote several pages about that in my book, It’s Called Work For A Reason. There are several tactics. Too many to rewrite and put here. Thanks!
So you can:
1- Continue to be nice to people if your so inclined
2- Be nice to a jerk if you encounter one,
And maybe piss them off in the process.
Hmmmmm….sounds like a plan to me. . . : )
LOVE YOU LARRY !!!! Ever since you spoke at our EXIT convention !! Your “words of wisdom” are soo true and I really enjoy listening to you or seeing your posts !!
I love #7… smile at them. Or just smile in general… it makes people think you are up to something and it throws them off their game!
Can’t even be nice to a jerk,better to ignore them and let them self destruct .Insignificant idiots like that should be sterilised beforew they multiply into more jerks !Got to refresh my brain and catch up with more of your written material too .
Denise’s post on March 14 helped me remember some of my own driving experiences where irate drivers or road rage are present.
I currently live in Macau at the bottom of China where it seems like the ‘wild west of driving’ and there doesn’t seem to be many road rules. People don’t use indicators, pull up wherever they want, pull out in front of you, try to run over pedestrians at crosswalks, the list goes on. Still, there are few incidents of road rage or irate drivers or accidents as everyone seems to watch out for everyone else and are very tolerant of the bad driving standard.
Having said that, I grew up in Australia where driving is different and where I have come across a few instances of road rage or irate drivers, whether I did something to upset them or not.
To handle irate drivers I have developed two solutions and I think I originally came up with them after hearing Larry speaking about this topic or something similar on an audio presentation a few years ago. So credit to Larry if Larry can remember where they came from.
1 – The ‘I had seven but three died’ solution – Whenever an irate driver starts gesturing angrily at you immediately raise your hand from the wheel and wave a greeting. At the same time put the biggest and most pleasantly surprised Cheshire cat grin on your face as if they are some long lost best friend that you haven’t seen for years. They will continue on in their rage trying to articulate what road rule you have obviously broken to their dissatisfaction. At this point you join the conversation by nodding your head up and down with an incredulous ‘Yes! I know! I had seven but three died!’. The irate driver will deduce that you have obviously missed the point and start shaking their head from side to side and again and try to articulate the exact nature of your wrongdoing. Keep nodding your head up and down and smiling while adding ‘Yes! Its true! Three died!’. At this point the big vein on the side of their neck should start making a more prominent appearance as they try to get you to understand what they are really talking about. Just keep pretending that you are indeed involved in the true nature of the conversation, keep smiling, looking extremely friendly and especially nodding your head up and down as they shake their head from side to side. The result will be that they will give up as they will soon work out that you have no idea of what they are talking about while your day, which may have already been good so far, will go to unexpected highs as you laugh your way all through the rest of the day as you remember the incident.
2. – The ‘I got it at Kmart’ solution – Kmart is Australia’s version of Wal Mart and solution 2 is a variation on solution 1. Whenever you experience an irate driver you can do the hand waving hello and big Cheshire cat grin thing and, when they outline the nature of the charges against you, you then pull the collar of your shirt or blouse with two fingers while calling out ‘Do you like it? I got it at Kmart!’. The dynamic will go back and forth similar to solution 1and you can add things like ‘No, its actually good quality’ then, after they get more irate in a negative way ‘Yes, truly, its good quality’ while you smile and nod your head up and down. They will shake their head from side to side gesturing ‘No’ while you keep nodding your head up and down while gesturing ‘Yes’. They soon give up as they figure they are dealing with a real idiot.
Whatever of the two solutions you may choose to use I can guarantee that you will have a great day after that experience and you will chuckle for days after when you remember it.
Cheers,
Alan
@Alan: LOL, you really put a lot of thought into that…
Hi Brian,
Its true. I have been doing this for probably 6 – 7 years when in Australia whenever I encounter irate drivers. I don’t hook into their anger and aggression and it completely disarms them every time. I end up having a great day after. I think I remember getting the idea from one of Larry’s early audio series on a similar topic and just changed it to suit the Aussie situation.
Cheers,
Alan
Great advices!
#9 is the most efficient .