Nucky’s Nephew Learns A Lesson

I am a fan of HBO’s  “Boardwalk Empire.” On a recent episode I watched a scene with Nucky Thompson’s nephew having a conversation with his father, Nucky’s brother. The kid had been away at college and came home for the weekend. He is all down in the dumps and his father asks what the problem is; his grades, or perhaps a girl? And the kid answers with, “I’m just not happy there.” The father says, “You aren’t there to be happy, you’re there to get an education.”

I loved it. I almost cheered. In fact, I would have except I am not in the habit of talking to the screen, unlike most of the idiots I end up sitting in front of at the theater. (You know who you are!)

I loved that the father made it clear to the son that his purpose was to learn while at college whether he was happy there or not. He didn’t care whether the kid was happy because as a mature adult he understood that happiness is a fleeting emotion that has little to do with the real world of commitment and work. Nucky’s brother was teaching a valuable lesson to his son that too few parents are teaching their kids today. Commitment is what’s important, not your happiness which is not much more than a temporary emotion that can change as easily as the weather. Now, I know that many of you ooey-gooey mamas and daddies won’t agree with me but that is why we have 30-year-olds living with their parents and mooching off of mama and daddy’s retirement money. They just “aren’t happy” in the work place. Their sense of purpose isn’t being fulfilled. They haven’t found their bliss. My response: Screw your bliss and get your ass to work!

Too harsh? I hardly think so. (Especially when nearly 60% of adults support their grown children financially to some degree.)

As a parent, I don’t care whether my children are happy with the decisions I make that are made in their best interest or for their well-being or safety. That’s right; I don’t care. I give less than a hoot about their opinion. I am the adult and I know better than they do. I do what is best for them whether they are happy with my decision or not. Why? Because that is my job as the parent.

As a boss, I don’t care whether you like your job or not. I am not in charge of your happiness — you are.  It’s not my job as your boss to manage your emotions. It is my job to manage your performance. Your performance is what I’m paying for, not your job satisfaction.

The problem is that we have taught people to believe that their happiness is the most important thing in their life. We have led them to believe that their happiness should be put before all other factors. That’s why we have the most entitled society in history and it’s only getting worse. Happiness to some people is like heroine. They are seeking the rush of happiness instead of the reality of life. Life isn’t always happy and the expectation of it will only lead to depression and frustration. And you will probably end up moving back in with your mama so she can fix you blueberry pancakes with happy faces in them.

So what is important? Commitment. A deal is a deal. Your word is your bond. Commitment is based in integrity. It isn’t compromised based on your mood or emotions. Commitments are kept whether you feel like it or not. That’s what is important and that’s what we should be teaching our kids and our employees.

When you take a job, you make a deal to do the job. You are told what the job entails and how much you will be paid for doing it. I have never heard of a job that came with a guarantee of enjoyment. When your boss hired you for the job you have right now did she say, “And I promise you are going to love it and have fun doing it every day and adore all of the people you work with because that is why we are paying you, to be happy!” Well, did she? Bet you a million bucks that didn’t happen. Yet, that’s somehow what a lot of folks expect. Reality is that some days you love it, some days you like it and some days you would rather gouge your eye out with a carrot stick than face doing it. Some days the people you work with are pretty good folks, some days you actually like them a lot and can’t wait to go out after work and have a beer with them and some days you want to punch them in their stupid faces. That’s reality. Bottom line: Sometimes you’re happy and sometimes you’re not. So let’s get this idea straight: You aren’t paid to be happy on the job, you are paid to do your job.

Now before you think I am a total jerk, let me add this: I think it’s great if you love your job. I think everyone should be happy at work. I think you should have as much fun as you can every single day. But, and it’s a really big BUT, it’s not a condition of employment:  it’s a bonus. If you have fun and love what you do and the people you work with, I applaud you, as that is a bonus. But it’s not what you are paid for. And you never compromise doing what you are paid to do the best of your ability simply because you aren’t having fun doing it.

Got it? Good. Now go to work. And have fun if you can. And if you can’t, keep working because that’s what you are paid to do!