Remember that line by Barney Fife from the Andy Griffith Show?  Barney was passing out parenting advice to Andy about correcting a behavior of Opie’s.  He told Andy, “Nip it in the bud.  Nip it!”  If you don’t remember the line, that’s okay,  I’m an old guy and I loved Andy and Barney! But the point was a good one then and still is:  When you see bad behavior, nip it in the bud.  Â
I was reminded of this last night while watching Cesar Milan, The Dog Whisperer.  Holy crap this guy is good.  In the segment I am referring to, the dog, a big one, had food aggression.  The owners could not go near the dog or the food bowl as the dog would growl, bark and nip at them.  They had not done much to correct the problem and Cesar was quick to point out that since the behavior had not been corrected early in the dog’s development, that the aggressive behavior was now spreading to other areas way beyond the food.  He said that if the aggression was not brought under control quickly and firmly that it wouldn’t be long before that dog was going to hurt someone.  Then he took control and taught the dog owners how to take control.  That’s his position:  YOU are in charge of your environment and your dog  –  take control!Â
Great advice. Â Correct problems when you see them so they don’t spread and grow. Â Take control of your environment.Â
Good ideas when dealing with dogs and children. Â We have all seen children that have been allowed to get by with things that should have been corrected. Â And we all know that the bad behavior will spread and that the ill-behaved child will become bigger and bigger until, like the dog, someone is going to get hurt.Â
Now, let me slide that principle over to dealing with employees. Â When you allow an employee to get by with something, even a small infraction, that behavior when it goes uncorrected will grow until you have real problems. Â Let an employee get by with coming in late and soon that employee will never be on time. Â The problem will probably even spread to the other employees. Â You didn’t correct the problem with one employee, others noticed it and now they are developing bad behaviors. Â At that point, you are no longer the leader, you are following the pack – they are now in charge. Â (See the correlation between Cesar’s message and mine?)Â
In my life, I take it to the next level. Â I believe that when I see rudeness in other people in my regular life, that the rudeness must be addressed and corrected. Â (Or at least brought to their attention.) Â Now I am not naive enough to think that my comment to them is going to correct their rude behavior long term, but at least I have let them know that they don’t get to treat ME that way and they don’t get to behave that way in THIS situation.
That’s why in by past blog postings, I have told stories about how I speak up when someone is rude to me.  I tell employees when they give me bad service.  I refuse to accept poor behavior in others when it impacts my life. Some of you agree with me and let me know.  Then there are others of you who say things like, “take the high road, Larry, let it slide.” It seems to me that the high road is what I have been taking.  And answer this for me:  How does letting it slide fix things?
I believe that when you ignore bad behavior in your dog, your child, your employee, or in others, you are condoning that bad behavior. Â That makes you guilty by association. Â If you and I go out one evening, and you decide to rob someone while I am standing there next to you and I don’t do anything to stop you, a court would find me guilty by association. Â In my court, if you tolerate or ignore bad behavior in others, you are just as guilty as they are. Â If I let my dog bite you I am going to be the one who pays the consequences. Â If my kid breaks your window by throwing a rock through it, I will be the one who pays the fine and replaces the window. Â If my employee treats you badly, I will pay the price by losing you as a customer. Â Ultimately, I will pay the price because I am responsible for my world. Â I should control my world.Â
Some of you like to point out that I tell people to stop whining and that my blogs are all about me whining about the service I get. Â Oh, come on! Â My blogs are meant to be entertaining little rants with a bit of a message that will 1) make you smile 2) make you think and 3) give you one little idea about something you can do to live a better life. Â Don’t make it into some earth shattering treatise on the human condition. Â This ain’t World Peace folks – it’s a blog! Â Have some fun – spout off a bit – move on. Â For those of you, who hate what I have to say and my opinion, this obviously isn’t the blog for you. Â Go away. Â I have made that clear in the past few days to a select few of you who don’t like me, don’t like my opinions, don’t like my other posters and by all appearances don’t like life itself! Â In other words, I nipped it in the bud! Â Â
Here is the deal:  Bad behavior is unacceptable at any level.  The reason it runs rampant is because so many of us “take the high road and let it slide.”  I don’t believe that is the correct road to take.  I believe that in order to turn things around, we must all refuse to accept bad behavior, at least in our own little world:  With the people you pay your hard earned money to.  With your employees.  With your kids.  With your dog!  Will the world change?  Maybe not, but at least YOUR world might.  Â
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I own a small hair salon. We do not cater to children, but sometimes they come in for services and sometimes parents bring children along (BAD IDEA!) when the parents are having their services. It makes my job more difficult because I have to do my job (provide hair services) and while keeping one eye on the little angel to make sure it doesn’t hurt itself or my shop. When they get out of line, I correct them. I figure it is my business and I get to decide what happens there. Just because you can climb on the counters at home does not mean you can do so in my place. I do not mind correcting other people’s children. If the parents don’t like it, they can choose to not come to my business or to not bring the kid.
This week was tough (Spring Break from school) and we had more than our usual dose of kids. One was squirming in the chair while getting a haircut. Mother told it to stop. I told it to stop. On the third instance, Mother said “Would you prefer to go to SuperCuts?” The child instantly snapped to attention and the rest of the service was performed without incident.
Bottom line, I don’t mind dealing with your kids if they are pleasant. If they aren’t, I choose not to spend time with them. (For the record, I feel the same way about my own kids!)
Good blog Larry.I’ve been in leadership positions for over 25 years.In the beginning I was a hard ass and people didn’t get away with crap.I loved to fire employee’s that didn’t do their job.Then came all the employee,treat them right laws.Bull!So I gave in and just tried to get them to improve their behavior.Most of the time with no results.You couldn’t fire them because you couldn’t find any help.
There was a time I would go to a store and correct someone’s rudeness and I would get”you could always go down the street to xyz store.”Well being the laid back guy because I didn’t want to go somewhere else, I let it slide.
The tables have turned in the employee department so I’m not putting up with crap anymore!!As far as the rudeness from store employee’s I now excersied my right to “go down the street”but not without telling a manager first.The economy has changed and I have returned to my old ways!I will no longer take crap from people who don’t have one ounce of respect for me.
As far as the people who don’t like what is said here,well they are the one’s that are late for work and tell you to go down the street.
KenC
“Enjoy Life,Don’t take crap from anyone!”
As Bruce Lee said, “If you want to do your duty properly, you should do just a little more than that.”
I don’t put up with disrespect and laziness and yes, I make sure people know how I feel about it. I also make sure people know when I’ve received above average service. If we can take the time to make sure people know they are doing a BAD job we can take the time to tell people they are doing a GOOD job.
Whenever I receive outstanding service I make sure the employee knows and his/her employer knows (e-mail, phone call, hand written letter). Everyone who does more than their duty should be recognized then maybe the standards will rise.
Having known a lot of folks in retail and such, I know that if you tell most of them that they’re not providing bad service, then the bad service will get worse. Then again, several of the folks I know have awful senses of entitlement. In cases like this, I do exercise my right to go elsewhere and also write a polite letter to management letting them know why I will no longer patronize their establishment. It may not do any good, but at least I’ve satisfied myself.
Amen, brother.
Most of this bad behavior ( full disclosure-I have 40 employees-usually female & under 25 years of age) would have died an early death if it hadn’t been for the “warped” approach implemented by the “self esteem” movement. I spent 23 of the 25 years running a business like I was a “social worker”. Yes, it doesn’t work!
People change-when they change. Not a moment sooner. Understanding is wayyyyyyy…over-rated. Larrys’ right on the mark. Besides, it’s not whining when a rant is about supporting good standards.
Real whining never raises the bar. Typically I see it as a thinly veiled attempt to avoid ones’ responsibilities + lack of better ideas , failed commitments, mediocrity, and all the other bull**** that people substitute for “real” thinking.
I wish I had the backbone to print this out and leave it on the desk of my boss.
But since I’m one of 2 employees… he’ll know it came from me.
Hello Larry You are my HERO I love your tell it like it is in your face approach to real life situations, I to, am not one to let things go or be “Politically Correct”. I am currantly unemployed because I refuse to be manipulated by co-workers who let things slide, to supervisors who do the same thing. Some call me a trouble maker, I say oh well, the truth is the truth and like you said more people need to speak it. Keep telling it like it is and I will forever be a dedicated fan!!!!!!!
Perhaps the answer lies somewhere in the middle? I believe that acknowledging the rudeness of a person with something like – “You seem upset today, is everything alright?” – might be the better approach. We’re never aware of what’s going on in the rude person’s life at that time. This also serves the purpose of calling the rude behavior to their attention. And, while I’m a dog lover, I find the comparison between dogs and employees and children a bit of a stretch, at least until I see Cesar on his new show “The Child Whisperer.”
You are so right about calling people on their rude behavior! At my first job, back when they taught you about customer service, my hero of customer service told us how she dealt with people that were giving her poor customer service. “Was it something I’ve done or said or are you just having a bad day!” She was who I learned how to fire people from, and amazingly afterward they always thanked me and told me I was right! Sometimes it’s the tone that will let you get away with saying what needs to be heard!
Awesome blog Larry. Ceasar is very good at what he does – which is mostly training people! Some folks don’t get that the dog can “sense” how you feel and react, your state of mind. Ceasar shows folks how to “own” that state of mind coupled with the dominance of being a human. Much like you share how to own your state of debt and/or success. No such thing as a bad dog or bad kids, just lazy owners and people with questionable parenting skills. Having 27 nieces and nephews – it’s really easy to tell which of my siblings are good parents and which let their kids run the house. Keep up the good work – see you in Phoenix! Pu Pu Dnayawa!
How right you are Larry.
As a Police Officer, my cohorts and I end up dealing daily with the “big dog” whose bad behaviour was never nipped in the bud. Not only have parents stopped “nipping it”, many parents don’t support school teachers who try to reinforce what should have been taught in the home. Over time this has usurped school teachers authority resulting in schools where students aren’t held accountable for behaviour or homework completion. The rules are there to be inforced but there is no one to “nip it” when problems occur. As a result we have a much higher percentage of young people entering the work force with no idea of what it means to be responsible or accounatable for their actions. Work performance suffers and therefore the company suffers.
I agree that letting one employee get away with something breeds resentment in co-workers and sloppy job performance, too. And not showing leadership with our children, not making them understand the hierarchy of behavior that requires children to behave respectfully to adults, or giving them consequences that mirror real life, does them no favors. Spoiled children are not happy and they often become selfish monsters until and unless the school of hard knocks shows them what life is really about.
But the problem is that a lot of us are weak willed. Maybe most of us. Pushy employees and pushy children and even pushy pets fluster and intimidate us. Their sheer exercise of ego baffles and overwhelms those of us raised to behave rationally and in an egalitarian manner. It’s not the self-esteem thing, it’s the fairness thing. We believe that we should be fair, not necessarily that we should be in charge. But somebody has to be, and employees, children, and pets will all rush into a power vacuum when we abdicate being the boss. If we let them.
First of all- Andy Griffith is a classic! I am 42 and loved the reruns as a kid and still enjoy the wholesome humor. What ever happened to those kinds of sitcoms? Don Knotts was a legend as Barney,what a great character. In the work place you must let people know what you expect and then inspect to make sure you get what you expected. If not, there must be consequences. If you do not nip it in the bud it will spread like cancer. As Larry always says,”Pretty simple stuff here folks.” Just K.I.S.S
Larry: This is way too deep; our social culture changed with a doctor that NEVER had kids telling us not to spank or correct them but to give time outs…..now we have kids w/ video cameras posting how they beat up and gang up on other kids….we have a break down…..I stay in trouble w/ wife because I will not put up with it…..and she gets embarrassed ……our mgmt team promotes all these new mgmnt techniques but when I hold one of my crew members accountable they go to HR and I get moved laterally to another position……I’m sick of this PC attitude in our country……..Once my retirement points are in I’m done and plan on opening up my own consulting business……Thanks for the kick in the Azz to take charge of my own life…….oh yeah I tip well and extend my appreciation to the service provider……..poor service gets a token quarter or a parting comment about poor service and if owner is around he gets a little feedback also…… 😉
Larry,
Don’t worry about the people who don’t understand you.
Somebody’s got to stand up to rude employees in stores. If it’s not going to be the employers, it’s got to be the customers!
I worked at a place where this guy came in late every single day. The Boss and her second in command would sit in their office and rant and rave and talk about how he was never in on time…basically now working, just b*tching. Sure, he was reprimanded and yelled at, but the thing was he did more work than the majority of people. So, while I understand the “don’t give an inch”, you have to guage who you are busing on. I’ll take a person who produces and comes in late ANYDAY to an exact 9-5er whose does bad work.
Diamond Jim – I wrote a whole chapter about this very thing in my book, It’s Called Work For A Reason. IF, and it is a big big IF, you have the results that allows you certain liberties, then you have earned those liberties. Typically, that is not the case. I am about results. Period. If you can outperform others and come in when you want, then come in when you want.
thanks
Larry
Well said Larry. And in #17, I fully appreciate your choice of word “liberties”. The mistake that most people make is that believing that being egalitarian means everyone has the right to to everything. How many times have I heard “It’s a free country”. Jefferson’s inalienable rights of “”Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness” have been skewed to mean free to do what I want and get what I want. What they miss is that we have the freedom to do what we need to to get what we want. That’s it. Mason was closer to the mark “”That all men are by nature equally free and independent and have certain inherent rights, … namely the enjoyment of life and liberty, with the means of acquiring and possessing property, and pursuing and obtaining happiness and safety.” Means of aquiring, possessing, pursiong and obtaining. You have been given opportunity, not entitlement.
So if you come in late and bend other ‘regs’ meant to keep the masses productive, and still outproduce them, then you didn’t need the regs in the first place. You are already using the means to acquire the ends.
Larry:
I love your stuff, your toughness and pretty much every time you’re on, if I can’t watch, I DVR.
I work with people all the time who want it – whatever it is – given to them. I’ve been one of those people in my life and right now I’m going through some challenging financial and business times and would love “it” dropped in my lap.
However, I know that would be relief not recovery. Recovery from thinking I’m not capable of doing business in a prosperous fashion. I know that’s not true at all and, in fact, I’ve been self-employed for 23 years and have only needed to get a job once in all that time.
So….I love it when someone kicks me in the ass, lovingly of course, so I can say “Oh, you know, you’re right, let me get on with it.”
We’ve all been too taken care of and allowed to be the pack leader in a world where packs definitely outrun the leaders. I believe a personal revolution is necessary and it must start with me and then I be an example so others
(possibly) get it by example.
Thank you for your forthrightness and I sure do miss your show.
Cheers,
Reva
Reva Kussmaul, Money Coach
MoneyVisions
626.536.0690
moneyvisions@mac.com
http://www.moneyvisions.net
Kudos Larry – well put. I believe we can add one more category to the list and that is OURSELVES! How we treat and allow ourselves to behave is often times unacceptable – negative selftalk, not holding ourselves to a higher standard of performance and so on.
Keep up the good work.
Barry
Aww! I don’t really have anything profound to say, but just had to share my sentimental chuckle at Barney’s remark. They don’t make tv like that anymore.