The Lazy Man’s Theory Of Relativity.
I want to make it clear from the start that this rant was inspired by Troy Sammons. He wrote me on Facebook with his comments that I have included below. It was so good that I suggested to him that he write more and put it out there somewhere but he said for me to run with it if I wanted to. So I am going to add a bit to what was already a great email he sent me, but I want to say thanks to Troy upfront for his inspiration.
From Troy: “It is my observation that there is a growing epidemic of excuses that I call the “Lazy Man’s Theory of Relativity.” Americans seem to continually measure their position or situation in relative terms that makes their lazy lifestyles appear more successful. Let me give a few examples: I am relatively thin compared to that fat guy; I’m relatively rich compared to that broke ass over there; I work relatively hard compared to the narcoleptic janitor; I’m a relatively great parent compared to that woman wearing the muumuu feeding her kid Twinkies for lunch; or the worst one—we are relatively free compared to people in other countries.
What has happened that has enabled us to give up on our ideals and settle for relative success or perfection? Why are we always on the search for that loser whose life sucks more than ours so we can remind ourselves how good we are doing. I can’t stand it when someone makes relative comparisons to make the current situation appear less painful or pathetic.”
That’s what Troy sent and I agree. What has happened to us?
I have written 6 books talking about most of what has happened to us and sadly, I feel I’m just getting started! However, I think that a good bit of the comparisons we make are based on our constantly being fed stupidity via the media. Since people on average watch about six hours of TV per day it’s easy to see how we buy into it. And even if we are consciously buying into it maybe we are just absorbing it like a sponge without understanding the damage it is doing. I always tell folks that about the time that you think your life sucks just flip over and watch an episode of Jerry Springer and you will see some folks whose lives REALLY suck! But it isn’t just good ol’ Jerry that serves up these idiots to us on a silver platter. It’s Supernanny and Nanny 911 showing us how pitiful people are as parents. Then it’s Wife Swap, that disgusting bit of voyeurism into the lives of stooopid Amurkins who need attention so desperately that they are willing to invite cameras into their lives for all of the world to make fun of and to permanently embarrass their children for all time. Want to see some truly pitiful, needy people who have taken it mainstream? Try watching The Bachelor or The Bachelorette. If my kid ever acted like any of these attention-whores I would smack them. Do people honestly think they are going to find their one true love by acting like these trashy women and idiotic narcissistic jerks? They aren’t and only an idiot would put their sad life on television and be so shallow in their relationships. Or tune into Big Brother. Hell, even watch an old episode of Big Spender if you want to see some pitiful folks! Or if you want to really feel good about yourself tune into ten minutes of Toddlers and Tiaras. This horrible show about parents dressing their two and three years old like strippers to win a “beauty pageant” is without a doubt the most disgusting display of stupidity on the planet. Someone should horsewhip these ignorant wastes of skin who call themselves loving mommies and daddies and take their kids away from them before they screw them up beyond repair!
My point is this: We make these shows huge hits on television and tune in week after week in order to make ourselves feel better about our own lives. “I may not be doing so well but I’m not THAT bad!!!!” It’s not about how well you are doing relative to how badly others are doing. It is about how well you are doing based on how well you COULD be doing. If you have the ability to earn $250,000 a year yet you earn only $40,000 a year, you are a loser. Why? It’s not because you earn $40,000 a year, believe me. It’s because you could be earning more and you aren’t. If you do your best and earn $40K per year, then I am fine with it. Or if you only earn $18K a year based on your honest to goodness best effort, that’s okay too. I don’t measure people by how much money they make so don’t jump on me about this, instead, pay attention to my point: You aren’t doing your best. You could earn more and you aren’t. Why aren’t you? Are you lazy? What’s your excuse?
I don’t care where you are in any area of your life, if you are doing your very best with the talents you have, then I will applaud you. If you aren’t, then I will say you are wasting your life being less than you could be, earning less than you could be, and you are cheating yourself, your family and the rest of us by not doing your best.
This is not a long lesson and I don’t want to beat a dead horse. This is all I want you to do: Look at your life. Examine where you are financially, in your career, your health, your weight, your education and your relationships. You might even want to take some notes. That’s right, write down how you are doing so you will have it in black and white. Then ask yourself in each area if that is the best you could be doing. Write down your answer. A big fat YES or NO will do. Then ask yourself why? Only you can answer this one. Know why you aren’t doing your best. Get honest with yourself. Write this one down too so you will have it on paper in front of you. Tell yourself exactly why you aren’t willing to give it all you’ve got. Pay attention to that last sentence where I say, “why you aren’t willing” because that is what it comes down to. It is about whether you are willing to do what you know it takes to be your best. And know that if you aren’t doing your best it’s simply because you are not willing to do it. Stop looking at the idiots out there comparing your actions and results to theirs. And stop living the Lazy Man’s Theory Of Relativity. It’s about your current performance relative to your personal best potential performance! Oh yeah, and stop watching so many stupid people on television.
My last big pitch for my new book, No Time For Tact: 365 Days of the Wit, Words, and Wisdom of Larry Winget.
My new book is now available at all of the online bookstores and at your local bookstore. You can buy it online for less than $14 bucks even! It is one thought per day based on the very best stuff, hand-selected by me from my other books. It is a daily calendar book that gives you a daily kick in the butt to move you from where you are to a better place. Each page features a dose of wisdom, an inspiring idea, a rant, or just a good ol’ hilarious thought on a variety of topics including career, family, personal finance, parenting, personal development and business.
If you would make an effort to buy your book this week, it would be greatly appreciated as publishers love to see good numbers compressed into a short time frame. And if you have already bought the book, please leave a review of the book at your favorite online store. Just go to:
http://www.larrywinget.com/notime.html
FACEBOOK FAN PAGE
Folks, I am soon going to run out of room for friends on Facebook so there is a new fan page for you to keep up with my daily rants and activities. Even if you are a current friend, I suggest you move to the fan page. You may even want to hide me as a friend so you won’t get duplicate postings from the fan site. My goal is to move to just the fan page soon. You will know it is the fan page and not my personal page because the fan page has the full stand up photo of me! Go to:
http://www.larrywinget.com/facebook.html
Follow Larry on TWITTER to read what’s going on. http://twitter.com/larrywinget
Great points by both Troy and yourself. I am trying a new theory out…..The Theory of Relative High Achievement. Instead of comparing myself to losers, tools, idiots, bums, jerks, and douchebags…..I will compare myself to Earl Nightingale, Dale Carnegie, Zig Ziglar, Jeffrey Gitomer, and other motivated, positive and successful people. If I strive to incoporate their qualities and ideas into my life, I have no option but to become better. Comparing my progess with the losers around me is no different than Lance Armstrong racing a 3 year old on a tricycle to track his his own abilities. Thanks again for what you do!
Larry as you stated one of the problems is that people watch too much TV. Why not spend part of your evening learning something to better yourself. There are lots of web sites out there where you can learn software applications for free or at a small cost. Don’t fill your mind with useless garbage, most of TV is just that, useless garbage.
Whenever I watch the shows you mentioned here, they give me a headache or they make me queasy. I just can’t stand those “reality” shows. Admittedly, I learned stuff watching “Big Spender” but the idea of comparing myself to the losers on those shows is an idea that really kicks my ass.
I made a decision long ago that I would never be like those people. I don’t want to compare myself to them. I’d rather be well beyond their league.
Next to the people on Jerry Springer, I’m Jesus Christ Almighty in terms of moral superiority. Of course, when you see me in my regular life, I’m nothing like Jesus, so the comparison is really a stupid idea.
Good job pointing this stuff out. You obviously have some smart people on your Facebook page.
Couldn’t agree more that some (most) Americans are getting soft. People need to get out there and push themselves. Be willing to endure some suffering. Then, and only then, will they learn the true value of life.
Oh… and a question. I see you’re trying to move ONLY to a fan page on FB (away from a page with “friends”). If you figure out how to do that, can you let me know???? I cannot get rid of Marshall’s “friend” page… without also losing his fan page. Any HELP would be greatly appreciated!
Did you ever hit the target with this one, I hear it all the time, “at least I’m not like so and so” etc. It permeates everything, e.g. I’m within the average weight for Americans (yeah but the average American is overweight) – My kids don’t do drugs, (true but they have no respect for you and don’t have jobs at 17 and 19.) I only drink a 6 pack a day, my old man drank way more and the autopsy said his liver was fine (This is your argument for drinking too much?)
We have an employee that does good work for the most part but every time a mistake is pointed out to him he says “well B did that or C did such.” I feel like I have to treat him like my kids – ” We aren’t talking about what B did we are talking about what you did”. (personally I’d love to let the guy go but it’s my husband’s business and this guy shows up on time and empties his own trash without being told, though he seems to do a whopper every week he never makes the same mistake twice).
What it comes to is what you have always said – people take responsibility for your self.
Larry
Great post. Reminds me of this quote by H.G. Wells.
“Wealth, notoriety, place, and power are no measure of success whatever. The only true measure of success is the ratio between what we might have done and what we might have been on the one hand, and the thing we have made and the thing we have made of ourselves on the other.”– H. G. Wells
Which reflects on the mass media focus of being famous, or having a lot of stuff (usually financed by mass credit card debt these days). Steve Siebold mentioned something similar in his book 177 secrects of World class. How marketers cleverly market image and product and ‘lifestyle’ to people, people do not seperate the image and feeling from the reality and practicality and accept it as truth.
It’s not about having, it’s about being and doing– what’s right and positive. Just because douchebags and failboat captains are given ‘celebrity’ for their patheticness, does not mean you should accept it as right. People fail to interpret these things correctly, that is reject them as being not good, and somehow accept these things as good, or ok, or how things are. It’s ‘broken window’ theory on a cultural scale.
Most of these shows fall into the category of what I call ‘comparing slugs’. Your ‘Lazy Man’s Theory of Relativity’. You can say, ‘Hey I’m not as fat and lazy or pathetic or mindless as this guy’, but for most people, they are still a slug, pale, ugly and sliming along through life slowly. Pour some salt on yourself, kill that slug, and commit to be better.
“I always tell folks that about the time that you think your life sucks just flip over and watch an episode of Jerry Springer and you will see some folks whose lives REALLY suck!”
While I agree with the idea of comparing yourself to your “best self,” the other side of the coin here is that I work with people who have a lot financially and are still depressed. Sadly as a therapist, I can’t just tell people to Shut Up, Stop Whining and Get a Life (though there are times I wish I could). I use relativity to bring home the reality that their life isn’t as bad as they may think it is, because other people have it far worse.
So when is this relativity good? If it helps someone see that their life is not as bad as they think it is, and helps them move forward, do the ends justify the means?
I read an article written by Jamie Lee Curtis regarding the Health Care scheme that is being cooked up for us right now. The responses amazed me! So many people writing –“yeah, LEVEL this country; get rid of the rich; pass their wealth on to me”; etc. ad nauseum.
My parents told me 1) Keep your own nest clean and don’t bother about anyone else’s because that’s not your job, and 2) It’s a big world out there, so prepare yourself for it because you’re going to have to take care of yourself in it.
You are so right, Larry, that there are a whole lot of stoopid Amurkins in this country, and if they don’t start taking care of themselves, they’re going to wind up living in another Cuba or Argentina & realize that they, personally, contributed to the downfall of a really great nation.
Thanks for explaining why people watch all that dross on tv, I could never figure that one out 🙂
I like your no-excuses tone.
And yes I think it is a habit. The more we compare with people not doing as well as us, the more we keep comparing. And the more OKayish results we get.
For instance, I realized that though I have just started my site, and am very happy to be writing and sharing what I like, I compare my lifestyle to many of my 9 to 5 job friends’ and I feel very happy that my life has much more freedom, and purpose than them. Though that is really true, obsessively thinking over this fact makes me lax and lazy. And forgetting about what lifestyle others have and aiming to live the best life I could, working in the best way i could, doing what I love ALL day more and more everyday inspires me.
Thank you for reminding me Larry. 🙂
Thanks to you and Troy for pointing these things out. As always, Larry, you’ve got me thinking again. What, or who, am I comparing myself to that I may not even be aware of? It also explains why I have never like reality TV. I just couldn’t put my finger on it. Even the winners are losers.
I caught you on Judith Reagan and was inspired to check into your work. It’s funny, but I was busy gestating some children at an advanced age, and missed out on tv (other than the news and reruns of Bernie Mac) for a couple of years. When I tuned back in, I couldn’t believe my eyes – everything had turned into Reality TV. I couldn’t figure out what the draw was. I felt completely demoralized by the first 5 minutes of all of it. In retrospect I guess being up all night with babies has its good points. And I am still busy spending an hour at the gym every day trying to remember what it was like when I was in shape – wouldn’t want to be one of those mumu wearning Twinkie feeders.
My definition of hell: for eternity, to see and know what you could have become.
Larry,
yesterday, I got two of your books: Shut Up, stop whining and get a life and You are broke because you want to be. I read them within a night, it never happened before.
I am not broke, I control my finances very good and I am proud of it but my sister is a mess, so I will buy a second book for her.
I realised that I got quite lazy and started to live like my cat and it is a shame because I considered myself pretty smart but after reading your book I know that I am really stupid and lazy and never really cared about myself.
I gave my TV away today, I didn´t want to sell it, I don´t know why – I had the necessity to give it away. I feel so good now.
I cleaned my whole house and will sell all I don´t need, with the money I will buy more books to read and go back to the University, I want to get my life back.
There is no turning back now. Thank you for writing such books, I think people need to read it because no one has the courage to face the truth anymore.
Leda
I like this post Larry, it a good one.
After the nation went all digital back in June, I have refused to pay for tv. It’s mostly reality crap anyway. I’ve become much more productive since that day. Your correct in stating that one should always to the very best they can in whatever they do.
“speak your mind”
Hear we go, you fricken rock! Your advice of keeping notes/writing out your strengths & weaknesses is so right on. I’ve been doing this for about a year, and I can attest to having moved from darkness into the light as a result of this self analysis.
I’ve ended up taking my “notes” a lot further than I had intended but a lot of these notes are on my mind when I am faced with making decisions on a daily basis concerning finances and career.
I’m not plugging my own blog (for me its a spiral notepad stored on line) but people are welcome to view my sometimes cryptic, ironically hilarious, and many times not so funny financial life to see an example of how “taking notes” of your own life can bring clarity to what may otherwise be a hellacious life moment. http://moneyfinanceswealth.blogspot.com/
From your post I’m not sure where you stand in terms of the current plan on health care (I’ve been without access to a computer for a couple of weeks) but your compassion for fellow humans rings through in your post. Let people die, no!. Give them health insurance, no, no!! Pay for their insurance HELL NO!!!
Chris
I just finished listening to It’s Called Work and People are Idiots. Having practiced your approach for a few decades, I have also read hundreds of personal improvement and “get an MBA in two easy steps” books. There are nuggets of wisdom in some of these books…. if you have the wisdom to find them. Anyway, just wanted to say I have been writing my own book; it’s titled “Salespeople are STUPID (I hate stupid people)”. Catchy title, I think. Thanks for telling it like it is – ‘gives me hope that I’m not the crazy one after all. You’ll hear from me again. I’ll buy lunch.
Peace.
I’m very familiar with this point. In the technology world we call it the “we suck less” syndrome. We try to make improvements to our processes, only to fall back into “some” of the old habits. But we look at the other teams and say “we suck less than they do”.
Keep the word alive and real!
Rick
Cancer taught me the greatest lesson in life: Be yourself and be the best you can be.
I no longer care about what others think of me, because they don’t. I create EVERY SINGLE THING in my life. I write my life’s script, I include other “actors” in it, but they don’t control MY character development.
If you don’t like something in your life, rewrite your script. Stop being an “actor” in someone else’s script.
Peace.
Dave
My God! You’ve exposed my husband! Only he calls it his Theory of Incrementalism. As in, “well, the kitchen is cleaner than it was….”
I just happened into the book store last weekend and saw your books and you have woken me up, slapped me in the face with what I knew, but basically tried to keep buried under a heap of excuses.
“I have twins, I’m tired, I’m STRESSED OUT” And your definition of Stress for me was dead on. “Stress comes from knowing what is right and doing what is wrong.” but for me its knowing what I want to do, conflicts with what I need to do. What I want to do is sit on my ass. What I need to do, is work harder. Thank you.
And I know what you are thinking “those poor twins have some lazy assholes for parents!”
Love your stuff…if you haven’t fixed it yet, just wanted to give you a heads up: ‘invironment’ isn’t a word. I love watching you in your working ‘environment’, though.